100 Of The Best Curses and Insults In Spanish: A Toolkit for the Testy Tourist
For When You Need Just the Right WordTravelling is fantastic – we don't deny it. But sometimes when you're in another country, stuff happens. A thieving kid lifts your wallet, a cab driver nearly kills you, or a waiter charges you $25 for bottled water. You feel powerless without the ability to do what you really want to do – curse them out.Help is at hand! Here are 100 of the best curses and insults in Spanish so the next time a waiter in Valencia refers to you as a yanqui or a pushy guitarrista in Barcelona assaults you with romantic serenades, you'll know precisely how to say, ¡Come mierdes!
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HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.
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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2009
Copyright © 2009 Rachel Perez
Illustrations by Chuck Gonzales
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Source ISBN: 9780007851485
Ebook Edition © APRIL 2017 ISBN: 9780007483471
Version: 2017-05-02
To Margaret
Thank you Jeannine for great revisions and suggestions and irritating people
the world over for inspiring the scenarios. Also special thanks to Eva Martinez, Antonio Martinez, Tesi Villanueva, Neil Dowden, and Silke Braun for all their work on the book.
CONTENTS
Learn How to Give ’em Hell Like a Native!
Situation #1: Empanada Bandidos
Situation #2: Revenge of the Yanquis
Situation #4: Is that a Fertilized Egg in There or are You Just Overweight?
Situation #5: Battle of the Bulge
Situation #6: The Sun also Presses the Snooze Button
Situation #10: Running of the Bullies
Situation #13: The Rain in Spain
Situation #14: In Vino Veritas
Situation #15: Vista Conquistador
Situation #16: Dropping the Eavesdropper!
Situation #17: Not so Jolly Giant
Situation #18: Thou Shall not Mooch
Situation #19: Aircraft Guitar
Situation #21: Someone in Portugal can’t Hear You
Situation #22: Planeta of the Apes
Situation #23: “Are we Having Fun Yet?”
Situation #24: Siestas for the Rest of Us
Situation #26: Don Juan Wannabe
Situation #27: El Rastro Rascal
Situation #28: Nevermind the Bollocks
Situation #29: Mira, Mira on the Wall …
Situation #30: Real Hombres Eat Meat
Situation #31: Getting Soaked Without a Drop to Drink
Situation #34: Empire Strikes Back
Situation #35: Chili Reception
Situation #36: There Goes the Sun
Situation #38: An Excruciating Epiphany
Situation #39: Frost in Translation
Situation #40: Hit the Road, Jacinto!
Situation #41: The Barefoot Contessa
LEARN HOW TO GIVE ’EM HELL LIKE A NATIVE!
If you don’t have anything nice to say, then say it! There are heaps of great put-downs, clever comebacks, unflattering analogies, and other unpleasantries to choose from, especially in Spanish! But wait a minute. With the beautiful beaches, great wine, enchanting music, laid-back companions, and all-night revelry, what could possibly go wrong? Well, you could be stomped on by a flamenco dancer, for one, bullied on the day of a bullfight, stabbed with toothpicks in a tapas frenzy, or even be mistaken for a piñata. What if some little rascals get their hands on your empanadas or your perfect view of el mar gets blocked by body parts that should never have seen the light of day?
When it comes to foul language, preoccupations with sex and genitalia cross cultural boundaries, as do garden-variety attacks on size and intelligence. Yet Spanish has quite a colorful array of ways to get even and come out on top. Sure, you should practice saying buenos diás, lo siento, and ¿cómo están?, but sometimes it’s not a good day and you’re not sorry. After all, a brutish woman could have cut you off on the sangria line after you waited an eternity for a taste of the fruity delight or a jackass with a mullet might be ruining every shot you take in Barcelona.
In this book, you’ll find forty-five aggravating scenarios that you might—even in the land of siestas and fiestas—find yourself in, along with advice on how to get out of them, what to say, and why it’s okay to say it.
Hopefully your trip will be as care- and incident-free as a walk in el parque. But if you find yourself hot under the collar in the land of the sun, you know where to turn. Whether you sling these, fling them, or pronounce them with delicacy and finesse, make sure you always get in the last word … or at least the most offensive.
Spelling and pronouncing Spanish are easy once you know the few basic rules. The chart below will help you with the pronunciation of the basic Spanish sounds and will give you a feeling for the rhythm of the language. The syllable to be stressed is marked in
