The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
It all began in June 2005 when Bobby Henderson wrote an open letter to the Kansas School Board proposing a third alternative to the teaching of evolution and intelligent design in schools.Bobby is a prophet of sorts, the spiritual leader of a growing, world-wide group of followers who worship the teachings of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM).The FSM appeared to Bobby as a giant ball of spaghetti, with meatballs for eyes, and touched Bobby with “His noodly appendage” – resulting in the revelation that the FSM is the real creator of the universe. The FSM faithful look to Bobby as their prophet and spiritual leader. Shortly after Bobby’s revelation a website (www.flyingspaghettimonster.org) came into existence to promote the word. Then came the articles, which were worldwide: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian (UK), Die Welt (Germany), Surprise (Austria), and many others chimed in to report the existence of the FSM. Bobby received letters of support from academics and Kansas School Board members alike – not to mention a couple million hits per day on the website – and it was all-too-clear that there needed to be a book to lay out FSM scripture, rites and observances, proofs, and answers to the Big Questions. This is that book.
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The Gospel of the
FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER
BOBBY HENDERSON
Contents
The Need for Alternative Theories
What’s the Matter with Evolution?
FSM vs. ID, an Unlikely Alliance
A Condensed History of the World
Bobby Answers the Big Questions
The Pastafarian Guide to Propaganda
WHILE PASTAFARIANISM IS the only religion based on empirical evidence, it should also be noted that this is a faith-based book. Attentive readers will note numerous holes and contradictions throughout the text; they will even find blatant lies and exaggerations. These have been placed there to test the reader’s faith.
Disclaimer About Midgets>1
OUR RELIGION DOES NOT WISH to discriminate or cause hurt feelings among any group—and this is especially true of the very short, who, if provoked, could easily appear out of nowhere and attack. As a solution, we offer the following:
To prevent angering the little people community, we suggest that this book be placed on the very highest shelf possible.
1. Sometimes referred to as “midgits” or “little people.”
DEAR FRIEND,
Welcome to the wonderful world of religion!
These are exciting times in holiness—politicians are crusading, nations are invading, and science>1 is fading. With these changes come religious opportunities the likes of which haven’t been seen since the Reformation … or at least since the persecuted masses first huddled together and shipped off from Old Blighty to that great democratic revival meeting we call the United States of America.
With this in mind, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) invites you to learn a little more about us. We’d like to tell you all about our Heaven, which features a Stripper Factory and a giant Beer Volcano. We’d love to see you dressed in His chosen garb: full Pirate regalia. We want you to enjoy Fridays as His chosen holiday. But first you need to know a little more about us.
What do we stand for?
• All that is good.
What are we against?
• All that isn’t good.
Sounds sweet, right? Of course it’s not that simple, and that’s why we need a book. (Doesn’t every religion have a book?) The Jews have the Bible (The Old Testicle), the Christians have ditto (The New Testicle), the Muslims have the Q-tip or whatever, the Jains have Fun with Dick and Jain, the Sufis have Sufis Up!, the Buddhists have the Bananapada, the Hindus have Ten Little Indians, the Wiccans have The Witches of Eastwick, and so on. If this was a manifesto, a pamphlet, a flyer, an article, or some nut preaching from a street corner, you, fair reader, might perceive FSMism>2 to be just another two-bit cult. But we’re not a cult (we’re more like a boutique religion at this point), and this is a book that will stand up to any of the others—at least in terms of strict plausibility if not literary finesse and retributive beheadings and disembowelments. The more you read about us the more you’re going to be persuaded that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and that FSMism just might be the Best. Religion. Ever.
Go ahead. Try us for thirty days. If you don’t like us, your old religion will most likely take you back. Unless it’s the Jains, whose feelings are easily hurt.
RAmen.
BOBBY HENDERSON
Prophet
1. Also known as the language of the forked tongue.
2. Also known as “Pastafarianism”.
Part of education is to expose people
to different schools of thought.
—GEORGE W. BUSH, closet Pastafarian
SCIENCE IS A SUBJECT IN CRISIS. There’s a dirty little secret that the scientific establishment has been trying to keep under wraps for years: There are many unproven theories that are being taught to people as if they were established fact. But thanks to the heroic efforts of a handful of deep thinkers, the winds of truth are sweeping across the nation.
Consider the theory of Evolution. To their credit, Intelligent Design advocates have successfully argued that their alternative theory deserves as much attention as Evolution, since neither can be considered fact. This is a valid point, but Evolution is hardly the only theory in trouble.
It seems strange that Evolution is singled out as “just a theory” when there are so many basic ideas in science that remain unproven, yet are still taught as fact. The objections to teaching Evolution have only illustrated this point further: Alternative theories must be taught in order to give our young students’ minds a broad foundation. The Intelligent Design proponents make a compelling, and totally legitimate, argument that if a theory has not been proven, then one suggested theory is just as good as another.
