Anecdotes of the Learned Pig

THE great and learned Pig, of which it is our hap to ſpeak, was produced in a ſty belonging to an old Tory, bookſeller, in2Moorfields. At that time Moorfields was diſtinguiſhed by rails which3 fluttered with party writings and libels of every ſort; and it is remarkable that his mother, during her pregnancy, tore down from thoſe rails, and fairly devoured one whole volume of Filmer and all Sacheverell’s ſermons at a meal; after which ſhe was obſerved to grunt more and louder, and to lie longer in the ſun, and deeper in the mire, than it had before been her cuſtom to do. She was delivered of our Pig on the morning of the tenth of June. He was ſtrong and bony, but of an inelegant form, and betrayed a very uncommon roughneſs in his ſqueak; and it was ſoon after remarked by the neighbours, that his trottings after his mother were made in4 zig-zags, and not in ſtraight lines as is uſual with other pigs. After his mother, however, he reſolutely trotted, and one morning, as ill fortune would have it, into a garden which had belonged to the great Milton, and was now in the poſſeſſion of one of his daughters. Here he fed voraciouſly upon white roſes, whilſt his lady mother was buſily employed in rooting up all the red ones. He was in this place ſeized by the owner, and ſo ſeverely whipped, that he thought no other than that ſhe was whipping him to death in preparation for a luxurious meal. Of this whipping he retained through life the higheſt reſentment, and bore ever after the moſt inveterate hatred of the whole Miltonic line. On the fifth of November following he was taken up, without any warrant, by the rabble, for the uſes of a Whig feaſt, and was very near being roaſted at the ſame fire with the Pope, the Devil, and the Pretender; but this being diſcovered to be ſomething meaſly, he was turned looſe to be cured, as they deridingly ſaid, by the5royal touch. Of this event he retained the ſtrongeſt ſenſibility, and conſidered ever after his fellow ſufferers, the Pope and the Pretender, with great complacence, if not affection; but as to the other party, though expoſed to the ſame diſhonours, there was ſomething in his horns and his tail which he could never be brought to endure. The touch already mentioned, though profanely ſneered at by the Whig rabble, was ſoon afterwards in good earneſt applied; but ſo great an obliquity of head had by this time taken place, that it could never be perfectly reſtored. Upon this memorable occaſion there was placed about his neck a ribband of true blue, to which hung a ſilver coin, diſplaying royal lineaments of the Stuart line, making ſo ſtrong an impreſſion on his young fancy, that for that line he ever after retained the moſt6 paſſionate regard. Thus decorated, he conſidered himſelf, and was conſidered by others, as a kind of7Tantony, or St. Anthony’s Pig, belonging to the Crown. Not long after this period he was heard one morning as he lay in the ſun to grunt forth, portentouſly the following rhymes:

This being publicly known, the neighbours now put on him a human coat, in which condition he appeared as if the Hog in armour had deſcended from his ſign-poſt to mingle in ſociety, and converſe with man. Nor did they ſtop here, but ventured alſo to recommend him for a penſion to the great miniſterial hog, though, for the preſent, however, without effect; for though it was evident enough that our learned Pig could ſay Ay, yet it did not follow that he would be always diſpoſed to do ſo. He was therefore turned looſe into the ſoil of this great town to ſubſiſt as he could, where, idling and rambling, he picked up ſometimes flowers, and ſometimes thiſtles, a great number of Greek and Hebrew roots, with an immenſe quantity of verbage of every ſort 8. It is for his honour that he routed in this rich compoſt for years without giving any offence, except that, through reſentment to the Miltonic line, he aſſociated rather too long with a very obſcene animal of the pig kind, called a9Lauder; and except, that he was taken ſometimes with ſtrange freaks, and fancied once that he ſaw ſomething in the10 ſhape of a ſound of a knocking; and excepting alſo his too ſonorous gruntulations, and that long concatenation of ſoapy bubbles which uſually frothed from his mouth11. In the midſt of theſe reſearches he had one morning the good fortune to throw up this ſentiment in rhyme: