Breaking the Bonds
Depression: the imprisoning experience of isolation and fear which comes when we realise that there is a serious discrepancy between what we thought our life to be and what it actually is.From birth onwards we create our own secure worlds of meaning. Challenged seriously enough, these worlds can crumble, leaving us despairing, frightened, isolated, helpless. But we are not helpless. We can resolve to save ourselves by embarking on a journey of understanding and self-acceptance, and finally and for ever break free of the bonds of depression.Dorothy Rowe, the internationally renowned psychologist and expert on depression, brings together in this book what twenty-five years of research have shown her about depression, and shows us how every one of us can take charge of our life and find the way to happiness, hope and freedom.
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DOROTHY ROWE
BREAKING THE BONDS
Understanding Depression, Finding Freedom
HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
Published by HarperPress 2006
Previously published in paperback by HarperCollins 1994
Reprinted eleven times
Previously published in paperback by Fontana 1991
Reprinted two times
First published in Great Britain as The Depression Handbook by HarperCollinsPublishers 1991
Copyright © Dorothy Rowe 1991
The Author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
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Source ISBN: 9780006375654
Ebook Edition © JANUARY 2017 ISBN: 9780007406791
Version: 2017-01-13
Praise for Dorothy Rowe:
‘Dr Dorothy Rowe, seer, has qualities which to my mind place her somewhere between sainthood and genius’
FAY WELDON
‘Dorothy Rowe’s books are exceptional. Rowe has not just got common sense but wisdom and real writing gifts. It’s pleasurable to read her blend of quoted poetry, proper and powerful prose and good jokes’
Observer
‘You can’t go to a party without meeting at least two people whose lives have been changed by Dorothy Rowe’
LINDA GRANT
‘Dorothy Rowe stands out among psychologists for her clear insight into human experience: her writing is refreshingly free from dubious theoretical constructs and jargon’
Independent
To Diana, Ron and Ed
Contents
2 Depression – the Painful Isolation
Finding the Source of Our Greatest Fear
4 Believing That We Are Not Good Enough
Drawing the Conclusion ‘I Am Bad’
Becoming An Expert in Feeling Guilty
Compensations for Believing ‘I Am Bad’
5 Constructing Our Prison of Depression
How Thoughts and Images Create a Prison
How Pat Built her Prison of Depression
How the Six Beliefs Fit Together
II Why Is It So Hard To Change?
III The Journey Out of the Prison of Depression
13 Fitting Yourself for the Journey
15 What You Need to Find Along the Way
The Consequences of Striving to Be Good
The World Is Neither Just Nor Unjust
Our Helplessness Is the Source of Our Strength
Changing Our Relationships with Other People
Our Rules about Our Relationships
Our Beliefs about Relationships
Our Skills in Our Relationships
Our Emotions in Our Relationships
21 Is Depression a Physical Illness?
The Classification of Depression
What Psychiatrists Say Publicly
What Psychiatrists Say Privately
Why Psychiatrists Insist that Depression Is a Physical Illness
Why Psychologists Insist that Depression Is a Physical Illness
The Cause and Outcome of Cancer and Heart Disease
What it Means to Be Told That You Have a Genetic Illness
‘I would rather have a physical illness – any physical illness – rather than be depressed. Depression is the worst experience a person can have.’
Anyone who knows what it is to be depressed would agree. It is not just that being depressed means feeling despairing, frightened, guilty, bitter, helpless, tired and ill. It is the most terrible sense of being trapped and alone in some horror-filled prison.
When we have a physical illness or have been injured, we can feel immersed in the pain and discomfort, but, equally, we can separate ourselves from that pain and discomfort. We can talk to other people, share a joke, take an interest in what they are doing, watch television, read a book, plan our future, and when someone shows us love, comfort and support we can feel warmed, cheered and supported, and give back in return our love and gratitude.
