Challenge Accepted!: 253 Steps to Becoming an Anti-It Girl
‘Prepare to laugh’ – Reese Witherspoon253 steps to becoming an anti-it girl.Funny woman, Instagram star and international comedy sensation, Celeste Barber’s Challenge Accepted! is a raucous, hilarious and outspoken guide to life, unwanted gas and how to rock a sexy scar.Part-memoir, part-comedy routine, part-advice manual, Challenge Accepted! is Celeste at her best, revealing her secrets to love, friendship, family and marriage (oh hai, #hothusband), and how to deal with life’s many challenges – why she checks the bath for sharks, how Nutella quite literally shaped who she is as a woman, and why being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s real, like totally, really real.
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HarperCollinsPublishers
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First published in Australia by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited 2018
First published in the UK by HarperCollinsPublishers 2018
FIRST EDITION
Text © Celeste Barber 2018
Cover design by Mark Campbell © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2018
Cover photograph © Corrie Bond, Vivien’s Creative
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Celeste Barber asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Source ISBN: 9780008327255
Ebook Edition © September 2018 ISBN: 9780008327262
Version 2018-09-13
YASS, CONTENTS!
@ritaora
The One With All the Content
The One Where I Thought I Would Flip Inside Out
The One Where I Discovered Ritalin, My Childhood (Not So) Imaginary Friend
The One About My Fake Brother, Michael
The One Where I Was Bullied at School, I Think
The One About Falling in Love With Comedy
The One About Surviving Drama School
The One With the Other Gross Man
The One Where My Heart Was Cut Open
The One About Jo and How I Got in Trouble at Yoga
The One Where I Discovered Being Famous on Instagram is Like Being Rich in Monopoly
The One Where I Went to America
The One When Harry Met Celeste
The One Where I Became an #accidental(role)model
The One About Loving Our Bodies #bopo
The One With the Totally Authentic 100% Genuine 28-Day Guide to Being Hangry
The One Where I Explain Why I Don’t Hate Hot People
WELL HELLO, YOU CHEEKY LITTLE SAUCEPOTS. Thank you for buying my book (or thank you for acting excited when it was given to you by your sister-in-law, who probably bought it last minute while running through the airport trying not to miss family Christmas).
I bet you’re thinking, ‘She’s just like me!’ – except when you saw the cover and probably realised that I’ve completely got my head up my own arse. And I know for sure that my primary school tutor – let’s just call her Mrs Fleet – is thinking, ‘Oh my God, if this chick can get a book deal, then anything is possible.’ And you’re right, Mrs Fleet, anything is possible, even though you treated me like I was illiterate when we all knew I was dyslexic with ADD.
This book is a massive deal for me, not only because the profits will help keep my grey hair under control, but because y’all have been super-kind and supportive of me and my stuff, and buying this book is a part of that. (No, you shut up; you’re getting emotional in the intro.)
The closest I ever got to writing a book was at primary school, when most recesses and lunchtimes were spent writing lines: ‘I will not talk back to the teacher. I will not talk back to the teacher.’ And I filled up those pages pretty quickly. So I’m hoping this will be pretty similar.
I love writing. Even though I’m no wordsmith – I spell and read words phonetically, and autocorrect can’t fix or find replacements for 98 per cent of what I write – I’ve always enjoyed expressing myself with a pen and paper. That was until I started writing this book, and now I’m so fucking stressed that I want to go and scream into a pillow. But how good is the cover, right?!
Now, for those of you thinking, ‘Oh God, I just spent actual money on a book by a girl who is only good at taking inappropriate unflattering photos of herself’ – never fear! I’m going to tackle a lot of big issues in this book, from how rich Bill Gates really is to why laser hair removal is more effective on dark hair than on fair hair.>*
Here are five reasons why buying this book was a good idea:
1. You went into a bookshop to get it, yay! Everyone wants to fuck someone who pretends to be smart. Or if you got it online, you can just click straight back over to Pornhub>* after purchasing it and get your fix there – whatever blows your hair back.
2. If you hate it, you can totally regift it to a middle-aged woman named Beverly – they seem to think I’m pretty cool.
