Confessions of a School Nurse
From the people who brought you the bestselling Confessions of a GP.After sixteen years of high-pressure nursing, Michael Alexander has traded in his hospital uniform for the fresh air, comfort and routine of an International private school in the French Alps. Bliss! But it’s not long before he discovers that school nursing is not all permission slips, sniffles and gift baskets. Disastrous school trips; after hours dorm sleepovers; awkward sex education classes; culture clashes; swine flu panic; and kids with six-figure bank balances and a taste for bribery. This is nursing as you’ve never seen it before.What goes on behind the gates of one of the world’s most elite boarding schools? What happens when kids from all over the world – Russia, Africa, America, Saudi Arabia – live, learn and grow under one roof? What happens when it’s left to school staff to teach children the facts of life, and lust?Following on from the hugely successful Confessions of a Male Nurse, Michael Alexander is back with more touching, shocking and often laugh-out-loud funny tales of nursing. In Confessions of a School Nurse, Alexander tells all on boarding school life – as a nurse, parent, and Average Joe, he offers a unique perspective on this strange world.
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MICHAEL ALEXANDER
Confessions of a School Nurse
The Friday Project
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk
This ebook first published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2015
Copyright © Michael Alexander 2015
Cover design © HarperCollâinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Michael Alexander asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
FIRST EDITION
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
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Source ISBN: 9780007586424
Ebook Edition © April 2015 ISBN: 9780007586417
Version: 2015-04-30
To Mum and Dad
Contents
Chapter Two: Sex and Education
Chapter Seven: In Loco Parentis
Confessions of a School Nurse is part of the bestselling âConfessionsâ series.
The stories described in this book are based on my experiences working as a school nurse in boarding schools over the past ten years. To protect confidentiality, some parts are fictionalised and all places and names are changed, but nonetheless they remain an honest reflection of the variety and crazy goings-on witnessed during a decadeâs worth of school nursing â surprising as that might come to seem!
Marcus made sure no one was sitting near the door before closing it.
âItâs really personal,â he whispered to me over his shoulder.
âIt has to be a guy,â heâd insisted when he arrived at the bustling nursesâ office. Most requests of this nature are girls asking to see a female nurse; though this was only my first week in the role, Marcus was the first student to ask to see a man, so my mind went into overdrive imagining the ways in which I could impart my knowledge in a reassuring, helpful manner to a young man in obvious need.
As Marcus turned from the door to face me, his hands delved into the front of his pants. He wasnât in uniform; he wore loose track pants instead. I got the feeling than an inspection of that area was on the horizon. He refused a seat, so I asked him what the problem was.
âYou wonât tell anyone?â he answered.
âOf course I wonât tell anyone, just explain whatâs wrong.â
âTheyâre sore. My nuts are sore. And the left one seems bigger.â
Ah!
I could either take a look at Marcus now, or wait for him to be seen at the local doctorâs office. I chose the latter. There was no need for the poor lad to be exposing himself more than necessary. Itâs not that Dr Fritz wouldnât have trusted my judgment, but thereâs more to feeling someoneâs nuts than the average guy thinks. Is there a lump? Does it move freely? Is it attached to the testicle? Is the spermatic cord twisted? It would be up to Dr Fritz to decide what to do â whether it would require an urgent scan today or was something that could wait â so he would need to examine the lad properly. And besides, this environment wasnât ideal for an intimate examination; the south wall of my office was made of glass, a window that looked out upon the mountains and a large terrace ⦠a window with no curtain.
But Marcus was too quick for me.
âYou have to see them,â he declared, whipping his pants down. Looking up, he gave a short scream.
No students were on the terrace, but Mrs Driscoll, the headmasterâs wife, was there with what looked like a prospective family ⦠admiring the view.
Despite the incident, the prospective girl did enroll. Rumour has it she insisted.
Now donât worry, Iâll get back to Marcusâs nuts in a minute, but before I do, let me tell you how I came to be here on this snowy mountain.
