Dear Reader
I donât know about you, but I waste a lot of time wondering âwhat ifâ¦â I know itâs pointless, but itâs impossible not to speculate about how differently things would have turned out if I had said âyesâ instead of ânoâ, if Iâd stood firm instead of compromising, if Iâd made that phone call, or not sent that email. Perhaps itâs just me, but whenever I make a decision, however trivial, thereâs always that niggling feeling that I might have made the wrong choice.
Rose, the heroine of this special story has to make a difficult choice of her own: stay with the man she loves or make a new life for herself with the chance of having a baby. Either way, she loses something very special.
Luckily for Rose, she gets a second chance and this time, if she and Drew can make the right decision, they can have everythingâ¦
Best Wishes
Jessica
SHE couldnât afford it. Rose threw down her pen with a sigh. No matter how many different ways she tried it, the figures just didnât add up. Which left her with a problem.
âWhat,â she asked her small son, âam I going to do with you?â
There was no reply from Jack, but Rose hadnât really expected one. At twenty months, his vocabulary was too limited to suggest the practical solution she needed, but he looked up at the sound of her voice and offered her instead a smile of such sweetness that Rose felt her heart contract. Jack might not be able to deal with her current childcare crisis, but his smile was all she needed to reassure her that somehow, some way, she would manage.
Leaving the depressing bank statements on the kitchen table, she went to sit on the floor beside him while he returned his attention to the brightly coloured bricks that were scattered around him. Absently, Rose piled three on top of each other, showing him how to make a tower.
âI need that contract, but I canât take you with me to the studio,â she said, as Jack instantly reached out to knock the precarious tower over. âPeter and Peter are lovely, but their place is much too perfect for toddlers. There are too many sharp edges and antiques, and anyway, I wouldnât be able to concentrate on work if you were there.â
She quite often talked to Jack, knowing that he couldnât understand. He was happy to listen to her voice, and it made her feel less alone to be able to talk things through, even if the conversations were inevitably rather one-sided.
Jack was looking aggrieved at the disappearance of the tower, and Rose quickly built another one, higher this time, and his face lit up as he realised that he could demolish that, too.
âPerhaps I should have married your father when he asked me,â she went on guiltily.
Thinking about how sensible it would be to marry Seb always made her a little uncomfortable. It wasnât that she had any problem with being sensible normally, but it was a big step to marry someone you didnât really love, no matter how practical an option it seemed, and Rose still hadnât been able to commit herself further than saying that she would think about it.
âBut that wouldnât have solved the problem of what to do with you now,â she reminded Jack quickly, setting a blue brick precariously on top of the pile. âHeâd still have had to go to Bristol for that job, and I would still be here wondering how I can afford someone to look after you. I canât do that unless I start work on this contract, but I canât work unless I can find someone to look after you.â
Sitting back on her heels, she smiled as Jack destroyed the second tower with a shout of triumph. âItâs a problem, isnât it?â
âYa!â yelled Jack delightedly.
âThat sounds like a yes to me.â Rose sighed as she looked at her watch and levered herself upwards. She had better start making Jackâs supper. Perhaps some magic solution would occur to her when he was in bed and she had some quiet time to think.
Leaving Jack trying to build his own towers, she went over to the kitchen. She loved this room. Apart from the narrow hallway leading up to the stairs, the whole ground floor of the Victorian terraced house had been knocked through to make a bright, open-plan living room, with comfortable sofas towards the front, and a kitchen with a big table and French windows opening onto her little garden at the back.
Although, strictly speaking, it wasnât her garden at all. It was Drewâs. Not that he had ever lived here, or would have done anything to the garden if he had. Whenever Rose thought of the absurdly low rent she paid, she felt quite dizzy with relief and gratitude. Without Drew she really wouldnât have been able to manage since Jack had been born. He had always been generous.