Hang in There Bozo: The Ruby Redfort Emergency Survival Guide for Some Tricky Predicaments
Ruby Redfort: secret agent, detective, thirteen-year-old kid.And now… survival expert.It’s not always possible to skip around smelling roses, ’cos sometimes you’re too busy gripping onto the cliff edge by your fingernails. But 99 times out of 100 it’s worth hanging in there bozo: just as things can get worse so too can they get a whole lot better.In this handy pocket-sized book, Ruby will give you the lowdown on how to survive a bunch of tricky situations. So long as you keep a cool head, buster, you can make it out of there alive…
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Contents
1. INTRODUCTION: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WORST WORRY COMES YOUR WAY
3. GETTING YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
5. WHATEVER YOU DO, BUSTER, DON’T GET LOST
Trying to find your way in daytime?
It’s night and you need to know where to go?
What to do if you are lost in the desert
What to do if you are marooned at sea
What to do if you are alone in the wilderness and have no clue where you are
7. OK, SO THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN BEING LOST
8. DANGEROUS ANIMALS, INCLUDING THE TWO-LEGGED TALKING VARIETY
How to sidestep an angry individual
If you should happen to meet the Queen of England
Dealing with individuals who you suspect might be dangerous
Dealing with individuals who you know are dangerously dull
9½. WHEN ETIQUETTE FAILS: GET ME OUTTA HERE SIGNALS
10. CONCLUSION: NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WORST WORRY COMES YOUR WAY
RUBY IS NO FOOL, so the survival advice contained in these pages is based on real information. However, it is only to be used in dire circumstances where your safety is at risk, or with adult supervision, because survival involves techniques and tools that, if not followed carefully, can be extremely dangerous. In other words:
PLEASE DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME.
The publishers cannot accept any responsibility for any prosecutions or proceedings suffered, brought or instituted against any person or body as a result of the use or misuse of any techniques described or any loss, injury or damage caused thereby. In practising and perfecting these survival techniques, the rights of landowners and all relevant laws protecting certain species of animals and plants and controlling the use of any weapons must be regarded as paramount.
REMEMBER: Your worst worry is the worry you haven’t thought to worry about.
BASICALLY, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SURVIVAL – you’re dead, you’re outta the game buster.
Survival: sometimes life is just that. No time to skip around smelling the roses because you’re just too busy gripping onto the cliff edge by your fingernails; you’re exhausted and everything in you is telling you to let go. But ninety-nine times out of a hundred it is worth hanging on in there bozo, because, just as things can change for the worse, so too can they get a whole lot more appealing. One minute you’re crawling around a desert about to die of thirst, the next you’re drinking a glass of ice-cold lemonade, poolside.
The difference between life and death: just a bad roll of the dice?
A calamity can’t always be prevented and luck won’t always be on your side, but you gotta know luck only plays a part.
REMEMBER: More often than not you can influence how things pan out. Your attitude counts for a lot. NEVER SAY DIE.
This is my RULE 20: NINETY PER CENT OF SURVIVAL IS ABOUT BELIEVING YOU WILL SURVIVE.
So long as you keep a cool head then you can make it out of there alive. And, if you make it outta there alive, you have a hope of getting your hands on that glass of ice-cold lemonade. So just keep focused on that, or whatever else it is that gives you a reason to live.
NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS YOUR SITUATION SEEMS, no matter how tired you are, the thing you gotta do is focus. When in a desperate situation, think about what it is that makes life worth living.
Simple as that: you have to live because your dog needs walking or Grandma needs a visit.
Your reward: a jelly donut, an episode of your favourite show. All possible so long as you can dig your way out of that avalanche/navigate your way to land/find water/crawl out of that well/outrun that rhinoceros.
RIGHT OFF THE BAT you need to know about some useful things to have on your person when things turn bad. OK, so you won’t necessarily carry all these things with you all the time – certainly not if you happen to be a school kid – but if you know you’re headed to the wilderness or the back of beyond then here are some survival equipment suggestions.
It can be super handy to have a mini flashlight with you: I usually keep one clipped to my keyring or my belt loop. Useful not only for illumination, it also can be used for signalling and SOS messages.
Take a PENCIL (pencils are better than pens because they don’t run out of ink or freeze up in sub-zero conditions).
A SMALL NOTEBOOK is good – you never know when you might need to note something down or leave a message for someone else. No pencil? You can make charcoal from burnt wood. Or perhaps you need to leave a message on a slightly bigger scale – depending on the terrain, you might find chalk, flints, sticks or other materials.
