Little Vampire Women
The classic novel of love and family in the nineteenth century has grown some fangs! An uproarious retelling of Little Women that will leave readers craving the bloodthirsty drama on every page.Readers will be agog and aghast at the hilarity of the March sisters' vampire transformation - especially now that Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy have (much) longer lives and (much) more ravenous appetites.When a classic is perfect, there is only one thing that can make it better: folding in a breed of monsters! With vampires thrown in the mix, readers will love the darkly hilarious twist on the beloved story of the March girls.
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LITTLE Vampire WOMEN LOUISA MAY ALCOTT AND LYNN MESSINA
Table of Contents
Chapter One - PLAYING PILGRIMS
Chapter Two - A MERRY CHRISTMAS
Chapter Three - THE LAURENCE BOY
Chapter Five - BEING NEIGHBOURLY
Chapter Six - BETH FINDS THE PALACE BEAUTIFUL
Chapter Seven - JO MEETS APOLLYON
Chapter Eight - MEG GOES TO VANITY FAIR
Chapter Thirteen - LITTLE FAITHFUL
Chapter Fifteen - CONFIDENTIAL
Chapter Sixteen - PLEASANT MEADOWS
Chapter Seventeen - AUNT MARCH SETTLES THE QUESTION
Chapter Nineteen - THE FIRST WEDDING
Chapter Twenty-one - TENDER TROUBLES
Chapter Twenty-two - JO’S JOURNAL
Chapter Twenty-three - FRIENDS
Chapter Twenty-four - HEARTACHE
Chapter Twenty-five - BETH’S SECRET
Chapter Twenty-six - THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW
Chapter Twenty-seven - ALL ALONE
Chapter Twenty-eight - SURPRISES
“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any corpses,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
“It’s so dreadful to be poor!” sighed Meg, looking down at her old dress.
“I don’t think it’s fair for some vampires to have plenty of pretty squirming things, and other vampires nothing at all,” added little Amy, with an injured sniff.
Being so poor, the Marches customarily dined on quarts of pig’s blood, goat’s blood, and, on very special occasions, cow’s blood, but they rarely had the luxury of a living, breathing animal to feast on, and when they did, it was usually a small creature hardly more than a snack. Most of their meals had to be warmed over the fire to be brought up to the proper temperature, which was particularly humiliating for the young girls. Gone were the days when they could sink their fangs into a wiggling beaver, let alone a writhing cow. A human had never been on the menu, even when the family was wealthy and lived in a large, well-appointed house, for the Marches were humanitarians who believed the consumption of humans unworthy of the modern vampire. Humans were an inferior species in many ways, but they deserved to be pitied, not consumed.
“We’ve got Father and Mother, and each other,” said Beth contentedly from her corner. She was the shy, domestically inclined sister.
“We haven’t got Father, and shall not have him for a long time,” Jo said sadly. She didn’t say “perhaps never”, but each silently added it, thinking of Father far away, where the fighting was.
The war was the reason they were to be denied even a field mouse this Christmas. It was going to be a hard winter for all humans, and their mother thought they ought not spend money for pleasure, when so many were suffering in the army. That the suffering was limited to mortal men did not concern Mother, for her commitment to the human race was steadfast, despite the criticism of her neighbours, who found both the Marches’ beliefs and behaviour baffling. Typically, vampires didn’t concern themselves with the petty wars of humans. They had roamed the earth long before people and would continue to roam it long after they were gone.
“We can’t do much, but we can make our little sacrifices, and ought to do it gladly. But I am afraid I don’t,” and Meg shook her head, as she thought regretfully of all the pretty corpses she wouldn’t get to eat.
“But I don’t think the little we should spend would do any good. We’ve each got a dollar, and the army wouldn’t be much helped by our giving that. I agree not to expect any gifts from Mother or you, but I do want to buy Mr Bloody Wobblestone’s Scientifical Method for Tracking, Catching and Destroying Vampire Slayers.>1 I’ve wanted it so long,” said Jo, who yearned to join the league of defenders, brave and gallant vampires who protected their fellow creatures from those humans who would destroy them by any means possible. In the last century, the noble profession had undergone a vast change, adopting modern techniques to battle an ancient threat. Relying on one’s instincts, which had always been an imperfect process at best and a guessing game at worst, had been supplanted by steadfast science. Now, instead of spending three months learning the antiquated art of filtering out the smothering scent of garlic, one simply could put on an allium mask,>2 which accomplished the task for you.
“I planned to spend my dollar in new music,” said Beth, who loved to play music on the Marches’ very old, poorly tuned piano. Mrs March believed in a liberal education and strove to cultivate an interest in the arts in all her children.
“I shall get a nice box of Faber’s fang enhancements,” said Amy decidedly. Her fangs, though long, were blunt and did not come to an aristocratic point like her sisters’. No one minded the dullness save herself, but Amy felt deeply the want of a pair of killer-looking fangs.
