Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships
Now available as an ebook for the first time, the legendary relationships guide that mothers recommend to their daughters, friends give as gifts and brothers steal from their sisters, MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS is inarguably the definitive book on having a happy relationship.‘A treasure’, ‘a bible’ and ‘an heirloom’ are some of the words used to describe the book that has saved countless relationships and improved innumerable others. Now repackaged to relate to a new generation of readers, this phenomenal book continues to carry its legacy of understanding and trust into the world.Since its first publication, over a staggering 15 million copies of MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS have sold globally to single men and women looking for guidance on how to find the perfect partner, married couples seeking to strengthen their bond, and divorcees hoping to fathom where it all went wrong.Gray’s insights into how to allow your other half to “pull away” like an elastic band, prevent your emotional baggage from polluting your current relationship, and translate the phrases of the opposite sex are as relevant now as when they were first published.With straightforward, honest writing from that precious male perspective, Gray unlocks the secrets hidden in your partner’s words and actions to enable you both to reach true mutual understanding and a lifetime of love. Discover for yourself why thousands believe that MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS should be mandatory reading for everyone.
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John Gray, Ph.D.
MEN Are
from MARS,
WOMEN
Are from
VENUS
THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO RELATIONSHIPS
Harper Element
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
A hardcover edition of this book was published in 1992 by HarperCollinsPublishers
MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. Copyright © 1992 by J. G. Productions, Inc.
John Gray asserts the moral right to identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record of this book is available at the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication
Source ISBN: 9780007152599
Ebook Edition © FEBRUARY 2012 ISBN: 9780007478361
Version: 2016-09-12
This book is dedicatedwith deepest love and affectionto my wife, Bonnie Gray.Her love, vulnerability, wisdom, and strengthhave inspired me to be the best I can beand to share what we have learned together.
Contents
1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
2. Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee
3. Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
4. How to Motivate the Opposite Sex
5. Speaking Different Languages
8. Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
10. Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
11. How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
12. How to Ask for Support and Get It
A week after our daughter Lauren was born, my wife, Bonnie, and I were completely exhausted. Each night Lauren kept waking us. Bonnie had been torn in the delivery and was taking painkillers. She could barely walk. After five days of staying home to help, I went back to work. She seemed to be getting better.
While I was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brother, however, did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.
I had no idea that her day had been so awful. When I returned home she was very upset. I misinterpreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.
She said, “I’ve been in pain all day… . I ran out of pills. I’ve been stranded in bed and nobody cares!”
I said defensively, “Why didn’t you call me?”
She said, “I asked your brother, but he forgot! I’ve been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!”
At this point I exploded. My fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she hadn’t called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when I didn’t even know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable, and had heard enough. We had both reached our limits.
Then something started to happen that would change my life.
Bonnie said, “Stop, please don’t leave. This is when I need you the most. I’m in pain. I haven’t slept in days. Please listen to me.”
I stopped for a moment to listen.
She said, “John Gray, you’re a fair-weather friend! As long as I’m sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as I’m not, you walk right out that door.”
Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, “Right now I’m in pain. I have nothing to give, this is when I need you the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don’t have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don’t go.”
I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.
At that moment I started to realize the real meaning of love—unconditional love. I had always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice, I loved back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.
That day, for the first time, I didn’t leave her. I stayed, and it felt great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt like real love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when I was shown the way.
