Hi, how are you doing? Have you come to see the play? Iâve saved you a front-row seat. Excuse me, I must get on. Iâve got a ton of little black noses to paint before curtain timeâ¦
Weâve got a conveyor belt going. Lots of little squirrels and weasels and bunnies, to say nothing of baby hedgehogs. Frankie is doing the spiky faces and Kenny is doing the furry ones. Rosie is doing the eyes and Lyndz is doing the whiskers. Our practice in Musical Make-up is a big help. (Iâll tell you about Musical Makeovers, when Iâve got a second to spare. Right now this is a madhouse.)
The music starts and the beautiful, the wonderful, new school curtains swish open.
Phew! Maybe this is a good moment to tell you all about it. You know, why the Sleepover Club is helping with the make-up and costumes for the Cuddington Playersâ production of The Wind in the Willows and all that.
What? You donât know what the Sleepover Club is? Where have you been living, Planet Nowhere? No, sorry. I donât mean to be rude or anything, but everyone knows about the most coo-el gang of girls ever to hit Cuddington! We are: Frankie, Kenny, Lyndz, Rosie and me, Fliss (Felicity Proudlove in case you didnât know). Our gang is famous for its ace sleepovers where we have fun with a capital F. Weâre also famous for getting into trouble with a capital T, but itâs not our fault. We just canât stop ourselves when we get going. Anyway, before all the big trouble with the clingfilm and the spots and the horror of being hauled off to prison for causing permanent damage to Molly the Monsterâs face, we have to go back to the beginningâ¦
It all started a few weeks ago in Assembly. Mrs Poole, our headmistress, was making an announcement about the Cuddington Players.
âThis year,â she said, âthe Cuddington Players will be using our very own school stage to put on their production of The Wind in the Willows. And I think theyâre going to want some of you little ones to be animalsâ¦â
There was the usual Cuddington Juniorsâ excitement as the infants bounced about and squealed. And in the hullabaloo, Lyndz leant over and hissed, âYeah, and my dadâs the producer of the play!â
Lindseyâs dad, Keith, is Head of the Art Department at the Comprehensive weâre going to after Year Six. But as if that wasnât enough, he produces plays with the Cuddington Players in his spare time!
âThe only trouble is,â Mrs Poole was going on, âwe still donât have any curtains for our stageâ¦â
Right on cue the whole school went, âOhhhhâ¦â just like the Teletubbies when they donât want to wave bye-bye.
Mrs Poole nodded. âYes, âOhhhhâ. We canât have a play without curtains now, can we?â
âNoooo, Mrs Pooleâ¦â went all the little infants in the front row, as if they remembered last yearâs school play when everyone had to line up on stage for the final bow in complete darkness (so the audience wouldnât see us) and we all landed in one gigantic heap on the floor. You shouldâve seen us, it was well funny. Ooops, sorry. I was telling you about Mrs Pooleâs announcement, wasnât I? Honestly, I am such a fluff-brain, sometimesâ¦
âSo what are we going to do about it, boys and girls?â Mrs Poole continued. âAny ideas? Hands up!â
There was silence while everyone thought hard. Then, suddenly, hands started going up all over the hall.
âMiss, we could paint pretend curtains!â said a little kid.
âOr borrow the curtains from the windows in the hall,â suggested the gruesome Emily Berryman in her gruff goblin voice.
âYes, Miss,â simpered her goody-goody mate, Emma Hughes. âWe could take them down andâ¦blah blah blahâ¦â (That girl loves the sound of her own voice.)
But luckily Mrs Poole said ânoâ to the totally stoo-pid hall curtain idea. If she hadnât, weâd never have heard the last of it from our sworn enemies the M&Ms (thatâs the Sleepover Clubâs nickname for the Gruesome Twosome, by the way).
The whole school went on suggesting things and some of the ideas were truly sad, like lining up the dustbins on stage, or having a row of kids to shield the performers, or even dear old Kennyâs lame-brain idea of draping swimming towels over ladders! (I ask you!)
At this rate the Cuddington Players would have what you might call a naked stage.
Then, Frankie the Wizz had one of her brilliant ideas. âMiss, why donât we have a fundraiser to buy new curtains?â
Weâve had fundraisers before, and our gang are ace at them.
âThatâs an excellent idea, Francesca,â beamed Mrs Poole and all the teachers nodded delightedly. âDonât you think so, boys and girls?â
The whole school went, âYes, Mrs Poole!â while Lyndz and I thumped Frankie on the back to congratulate her.