Summer Holiday
A riotously funny novel from Penny Smith.Miranda Blake is divorced. At 45, things are starting to head south. She’s toying with the idea of Botox. Toying with the idea of facial surgery. And toying with getting a job or possibly a toy boy. The only block to all those things is her stiff, uppity daughter, 23-year-old Lucy. Pompous, is what Miranda calls her. (Sane, is how Lucy sees it.)Her friends are trying to set her up with a collection of bankers and company directors… Similar types to her ex-husband, Nigel (Nigel – just saying his name makes her wince) and every new date ends in disaster. So, one summer's day, Miranda decides to go and help clean out a local canal. She falls for Alex, a dreadlocked eco-warrior. But Lucy does not approve, and sets about sabotaging the relationship. She succeeds…Miranda, heartbroken, goes on holiday to Spain. But there, things only go from bad to worse – she falls in with a bad crowd, and is soon way out of her depth. What is it they know about Alex and his family? How is the wealthy recluse, and island owner, David Miller involved in their dodgy business activities?Aboard a glamorous yacht, hosting an award ceremony with former breakfast TV star Katie Fisher, Miranda might be in more trouble than she ever could have imagined. Will Alex get there in time to save her?
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Summer Holiday
Penny Smith
To Rob, Hilary, the man from the Danish biscuit commercial and the wife of my dentist.
Contents
Chapter One
When Miranda Frayn was little, she’d wanted to be a…
Chapter Two
On Saturday, having told nobody about her new career as…
Chapter Three
It felt very politically incorrect to get into a Jaguar…
Chapter Four
While he was at his minor public school, Nigel had…
Chapter Five
The theatre was rammed with people drinking bottles of beer…
Chapter Six
The newspapers were full of the freak heatwave that the…
Chapter Seven
It was the weekend, and Miranda decided it was time…
Chapter Eight
The text said eight o’clock for dinner, Somewhere small –…
Chapter Nine
There were days when Miranda felt that nowhere could be…
Chapter Ten
It was as though Walt Disney had decided to turn…
Chapter Eleven
Driving to his house in the country, Alex had one…
Chapter Twelve
The Mediterranean Sea is almost completely enclosed by land and…
Chapter Thirteen
The days unfurled in glorious azure and yellow, with Becky…
Chapter Fourteen
The yacht La Maritana was twinkling like the Orion constellation…
Chapter Fifteen
‘And then, as if my week ’adn’t been bad enough,…
Chapter Sixteen
The atmosphere on board La Maritana was at mercury-bursting-out-of-the-thermometer point.
Chapter Seventeen
For many of those holidaying on the Costa del Sol,…
Chapter Eighteen
Some pieces of music are unhelpful when you’re in a…
Chapter Nineteen
Swimming-pool attire differs depending on what country you’re in. Katie…
Chapter Twenty
Normally on a drizzly Sunday evening, Lucy would have been…
Chapter Twenty-One
There are a number of sights guaranteed to strike fear…
Chapter Twenty-Two
Heat in another country is subtly different. The temperature can…
Chapter Twenty-Three
There are days you can pinpoint as being pivotal days…
Chapter Twenty-Four
At the age of eight and three-quarters – when every…
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘They’ve got your age wrong, Mum,’ said Lucy, as she…
About the Author
Other Books by Penny Smith
Copyright
About the Publisher
CHAPTER ONE
When Miranda Frayn was little, she’d wanted to be a vet, an astronaut or someone who got lots of free stickers and felt-tip pens.
At around twelve years old, she decided that being a vet was not a good job, since it seemed that all they did was put down hamsters, massage Minty, her Jack Russell, up her bottom, and get scratched by cats. Astronauts did not spend their days bouncing round the moon and far-flung planets, but instead did tedious experiments with seeds and rubbishy-looking rocks. She no longer wanted free stickers and felt-tip pens, but instead yearned to be famous and get married to Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.
With that in mind, she put her name forward for every school play and, by dint of hard work and the non-stop badgering of the drama teacher, managed, the year before she left, to achieve the giddy heights of Maria in The Sound of Music. The boy who wrote the review in the school magazine described her as radiant, moving – a star in the making. Miranda had discovered early that if you wanted something badly enough, you had to be prepared to kiss really unattractive people – sometimes more than once. If she had not virtually sucked his head off at the back of the cinema, he would have written a very different critique. He would have said that as a nun she was unconvincing, and as a singer she’d made his ears bleed. He would have said that she should take up any other career but acting.
But, once caught, the performing bug is difficult to shake off, and there are any number of people willing to take your money for everything from head shots to acting lessons.
Luckily for the viewing public, fledgling starlet Miranda Frayn fell in love and decided that what she really, really wanted to do was get married and have babies. In her dreams, she imagined combining a career in film with bringing up children, but MGM failed to come knocking at the house in Oxfordshire, and instead she trod the boards in amateur plays, where the costumes were creaky, the sets were wobbly, and there was always a sweaty man playing fourth lead who wanted to have an affair with her.
It was all so dispiriting that, eventually, Miranda settled on acting the part of the devoted wife and became a passionate advocate of scarf knitting. She would have liked to create something a little more advanced but, frankly, with two small children and a man who wore Savile Row suits and cashmere from Brora, that was never going to happen.
Nigel Blake, her husband, was everything she had wanted: smart, funny, handsome and rich. She hadn’t realised she wanted rich but, increasingly, it was the only thing he still was. When she divorced him after two decades, having discovered his long standing shag-fest, as she called it, with his secretary, she would have described him as fat, boorish and rich. Or Knobhead, for short. But he was the father of her two children, so she reserved such comments for evenings when she was out with friends and for phone calls with the man himself.
Meanwhile, she was living in London, back on the dating scene and hating it. It was like constantly seeing bad films. She had started off excited about the prospect and then, over two years, a sort of malaise had crept over the whole thing and she had stopped worrying about matching underwear – or even matching outerwear. And as for her friends’ view of what constituted handsome …
