The Blockbuster Baddiel Collection: The Parent Agency; The Person Controller; AniMalcolm
Three hilarious novels of heart, humour and wishes gone wrong, from the new star of children’s books - by award-winning and bestselling author, David Baddiel.Illustrated by Jim Field - winner of the Roald Dahl Funny Prize.THE PARENT AGENCY: Barry said, a third time, “I wish I had better parents!” And then suddenly the entire room started to shake…Barry Bennett hates being called Barry. In fact it’s number 2 on the list of things he blames his parents for, along with 1) ‘being boring’ and 3) ‘always being tired’.But there is a world, not far from this one, where parents don’t have children. That’s far too random for something so big and important. In this world, children are allowed to choose their parents.For Barry Bennett, this world seems like a dream come true. Only things turn out to be not quite that simple…THE PERSON CONTROLLER: Fred and Ellie are twins. But not identical (because that's impossible for a boy and a girl). They do like all the same things, though. Especially video games. Which they are very good at. They aren't that good, however, at much else – like, for example, football, or dealing with the school bullies.Then, they meet the Mystery Man, who sends them a video game controller, which doesn't look like any other controller they've ever seen. And it doesn't control any of their usual games. When the twins find out what it does control, though, it seems like the answer to all their problems. And the key to all their wildest dreams. At least it seems like that…ANIMALCOLM: Malcolm doesn’t like animals. Which is a problem because his family love them. Their house is full of pets. What the house is NOT full of is stuff Malcolm likes. Such as the laptop he wanted for his birthday.The only bright spot on the horizon is the Year 6 school trip, until Malcolm realizes it’s heading to…oh no. The farm.Over the next days, Malcolm changes. He learns a lot about animals. More, in many ways, than he would like. He learns what it’s really like to be an animal…It does make him think differently. And speak differently. And eat differently. But will he end up the same as he was before? Because sometimes the hardest thing to become is… yourself.
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THE BLOCKBUSTER BADDIEL COLLECTION
The Parent Agency
The Person Controller
AniMalcolm
David Baddiel
This e-book collection first published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2017
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperColllins Publishers Ltd, 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk
Text copyright © David Baddiel 2014, 2015, 2016
Illustrations copyright © Jim Field 2014, 2015, 2016
David Baddiel and Jim Field assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work
Cover design © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Cover illustration copyright © Jim Field
The Parent Agency: 9780007554515
The Person Controller: 9780007554553
AniMalcolm: 9780008191016
Ebook edition © 2017 ISBN 9780008252557
Version: 2017-05-23
To Ezra and Dolly, with particular thanks to Ez for giving me the idea in the first place…
Contents
Part One: The World is not Enough
Sunday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Part Two: This World Seems to Be Enough
Monday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Tuesday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Wednesday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Thursday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Friday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Friday Night
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Part Three: No, Wait a Minute: The World – The First One – Y’Know, This One – Might Be Kind of Enough After All
Saturday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Really Late, Saturday Night: Way Past Barry’s Normal Bedtime
Acknowledgments
Barry Bennett was always very upset at being called Barry. It was a stupid name for a modern nine (nearly ten) year old boy. All his friends were called things like Jake and Lukas and Taj.
In fact, they weren’t called things like that, they were called exactly that. Jake was his best friend, Lukas was his second best and Taj was his third. Although sometimes that order was reversed and Taj was first. But, either way, none of them were called anything like Barry. Barry didn’t even know anyone called anything like Barry. He didn’t know, for example, anyone called Brian. Or Colin. Or Derek. Or any other name that no boy had been called since 1953.
Being called Barry was just one – although it was pretty near the top of the list – of the many things Barry blamed his parents (Susan and Geoff: go figure…) for.
Here, in fact, is that list, which Barry kept hidden under the pillow on his bed (a bed that didn’t, by the way, have the fantastic Lionel Messi duvet on it that Lukas had):
THINGS I BLAME MY PARENTS FOR
1 Being boring.
2 Calling me Barry. (You see – told you it was near the top of the list.)
3 Being tired all the time.
4 Not letting me play video games.
5 Not buying me any video games. Or a Lionel Messi duvet.
6 Being REALLY, REALLY, REALLY strict. Examples: making me go to bed at 8.30 when all my friends stay up MUCH later; not letting me eat any sour Haribos in case they give me a tummy ache; and saying, “That’s a swear,” when all I’ve done is say BUM, which isn’t even a proper swear.
7 Being always much nicer to my twin sisters TSE than to me, just because they’re a pair of goody two-shoes.
8 Not being glamorous or famous or all the things that the grown-ups in Mum’s magazines are. (Barry realised after he’d written this that it was a bit similar to Number 1, but he’d already started the list when he got to this point, and had written in pen, not pencil, so didn’t want to cross it out and start again.)
9 Being poor. (Barry felt a bit bad about writing this one as he did sort of know it wasn’t his parents’ fault. His dad worked in IKEA, checking the flat-packed stuff into the warehouses or something, and his mum was a primary school assistant. So he knew that meant they didn’t earn very much. But he did think that if only they had more money then a fair amount of issues 1 to 8 – although not being called Barry – would probably not apply.)
