The Clumsies Make a Mess of the School

Dedication

For Pip, and Harry

The Clumsies Make a Mess

The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Seaside

The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Big Show

The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Zoo

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

St. Apricot’s

Glue, and the wall of lunch

Grand Sports Day Part 1

Grand Sports Day Part 2

Copyright

About the Publisher

‘I wonder what Howard’s done now?’ whispered Purvis, to Mickey Thompson.

‘I don’t know,’ whispered Mickey Thompson, back, ‘but whatever it is I wish they’d hurry up. I want my breakfast.’

agreed

Ortrud,

loudly

‘Shhh,’ whispered Purvis. ‘Listen: he’s saying something about a…’

‘School?’ said Howard.

‘But I don’t want to go to ,’ said Howard. ‘I’ve already done all that; I’m an adult now.’

Mr Bullerton

‘You will go to that up the road,’ he said, gesturing, ‘and you’ll give them a message from me.’

‘You don’t mean St Apricot’s?’ asked Howard.

‘I do mean St Apricot’s,’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘They’re having a this afternoon, so I’ve decided to attend as Guest of Honour. The people there will notice me and be impressed. That’s the first part of the message.’

‘But…’ began Howard.

‘And you may tell them,’ continued Mr Bullerton, puffing out his chest, ‘that even though I am a busy and important person with a busy and important schedule, I shall kindly make time to give them a speech and hand out the prizes. My name will be famous! That’s the second part of the message.’

‘But have they invited you?’ asked Howard. ‘Surely you’d need to be invited?’

‘Nonsense,’ said Mr Bullerton. ‘They’re lucky to have me, and you can tell them that too, as part three.’

‘I see,’ said Howard.

‘And then,’ continued Mr Bullerton, again, ‘you must put in place the appropriate arrangements.’

‘How do you mean?’ said Howard.

Mr Bullerton tutted. ‘The usual things for a Guest of Honour, of course,’ he said. ‘Plinths, cordials, etc.’

‘Eh?’ said Howard.

‘I SAID PLINTHS,

CORDIALS, ETC,’ shouted Mr Bullerton. ‘Make sure they’re ready. Go on, then; off you go.’

‘Can’t it wait a little while?’ asked Howard. ‘Only there are one or two things I need to…’

‘Howard!’

‘Help,’ gulped Howard.

‘Of course,’ said the mice. ‘We’ll come with you.’

‘No you won’t,’ said Howard. ‘Not this time.’

‘WHAT?’ shouted Mr Bullerton. ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THERE?’

‘I’m err... err…’

‘Finding your bag,’ whispered Purvis, handing Howard an bag, and climbing into it. Mickey Thompson and Ortrud climbed in too.

‘I SAID NO,’ shouted Howard.

‘DON’T YOU “NO” ME!’ shouted Mr Bullerton. ‘COME OUT AT ONCE!’

Howard sighed, defeatedly, grasped the bag

‘Sorry about that,’ he said, sidling towards the door. ‘I was just finding my bag.’

Mr Bullerton stared at it.

‘It’s

‘Is it?’ said Howard, sidling faster. ‘I hadn’t noticed.’

‘What’s in it?’ said Mr Bullerton.

‘Err, nothing,’ said Howard, whisking out of the room and racing down the corridor towards the lift.

‘WHAT?’ shouted Mr Bullerton. ‘WAIT! I DON’T WANT YOU MUCKING

ANYTHING UP THIS TIME, HOWARD ARMITAGE!’

‘No, bye,’ waved Howard, as the lift arrived with a ‘PING!’ and he hurried inside.

‘DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?’ yelled Mr Bullerton, as the doors clunked shut.‘Where to?’ said the lift.

‘Come along, come along,’ said Howard, jabbing the buttons.

‘Ask nicely, now,’ giggled the lift, not budging. ‘Say the magic word.’

‘Delighted to oblige,’ said the lift, setting off.

‘At last,’ muttered Howard.

‘He’s agitated,’ observed the lift, as they trundled down. ‘What’s afoot?’

‘We’re taking a complicated message to

‘They’re having a

‘Ooh!’ said the lift. ‘I’ve heard about those: there’ll be people running and leaping about and all sorts. Some of them get into sacks and bounce around.’

There was another scrabbling noise from inside the bag and Mickey Thompson peeped out, looking surprised.

‘It’s true!’ said the lift, warming to its theme. ‘There’s even a race where one person gets tied onto another person and they charge

‘Mr Bullerton’s decided to be the Guest of Honour,’ said Purvis.

‘Has he, now?’ said the lift. ‘Got him in that great

‘No,’ said Purvis. ‘He’s following on later once we’ve put in place the appropriate arrangements.’

‘At last,’ said Howard, hurrying out. ‘It gives me the

‘Neither are mice,’ pointed out Mickey Thompson,