The First Christmas Without You:

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Michelle Betham

About HarperImpulse

About the Publisher

HarperImpulse an imprint of

HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

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www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2013

Copyright © Michelle Betham 2013

Cover images © Shutterstock.com

Michelle Betham asserts the moral right

to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is

available from the British Library

This novel is entirely a work of fiction.

The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are

the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to

actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is

entirely coincidental.

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Ebook Edition © December 2013

ISBN: 9780007562145

Version 2014-09-15

Digital eFirst: Automatically produced by Atomik ePublisher from Easypress.

To my wonderful husband – thank you. Without you I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this.

The harsh, north-east wind whistled through the gap underneath the door of my shop, and it was at that exact moment that I questioned my reasoning for booking a winter holiday somewhere even colder than the country I actually lived in.

‘You could’ve picked somewhere like Tenerife,’ Kat said, almost reading my mind as she settled herself down on the pale-green wicker chair beside the counter at the back of my small but cosy gift shop in the little north-east-English coastal town of Tynemouth. ‘Y’know, a country where you don’t have to put on three layers of clothes just to pop to the pub,’ she went on, picking up a packet of joss sticks from the shelf behind her and examining it closely. ‘I mean, why Lapland, Jess?’

I was actually quite tired of explaining exactly why I’d chosen Finnish Lapland to take my first holiday in a long time – my first holiday since the events of last Christmas that had seen my life change in an instant and my whole way of thinking about things turned completely on its head.

‘You know I’ve always wanted to go there, Kat.’ And I had. I just hadn’t expected it to be under these circumstances. ‘You know we’d both always wanted to go there.’

Kat frowned as she looked at me, accepting the cup of tea I held out to her, putting the joss sticks back down on the shelf.

I leant back against the counter and took a sip of tea, quickly glancing outside at the driving rain that was beating hard against the windows. Despite the wind whistling through the gap in my door it was still cosy and reasonably warm in my lovely little shop, the smell of incense and burning candles creating a wonderfully welcoming atmosphere. I loved my shop – Rainbows – smack bang in the village centre. I’d run it for over fifteen years now, and although it hadn’t exactly made me into anything even remotely resembling a millionaire, it gave me a comfortable and enjoyable way of earning an income. Selling everything from candles to home-crafted gifts, jewellery and cards, clothing and accessories, and even local souvenirs, it was my haven. My escape. Now more so than ever.

‘It’s Christmas, though, Jess.’ Kat’s voice broke into my thoughts, tearing me away from the memories I’d been about to dredge up all over again. ‘Don’t you want to spend Christmas with your mum and dad?’

I closed my eyes for a second, sighing probably a touch too heavily, but I really thought I’d explained this to everyone. Countless times. I thought they’d all got it by now.

‘Kat, believe me, I love them to bits, I really do. And I know they mean well, but, I just can’t do it. I need to get away, y’know? To sort things out in my own head without everybody else around me throwing in their own two-penny’s-worth. I think it’s about time I started doing that, don’t you?’

Kat sat forward in the chair, looking at me with those same concerned eyes that people had been looking at me with for the past twelve months. ‘Well, yeah, but… they’re just concerned, Jess. They’re worried about you. We all are.’

‘I’m forty-two years old, Kat. People seem to be forgetting that. And I really don’t need to be treated with kid gloves anymore, I’m fine now.’

Kat raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you?’

I really didn’t want to get into this conversation again. I’d been through it enough times, and that was the main reason I’d made the decision to spend Christmas somewhere completely different this year. Somewhere we’d always wanted to visit, a place we’d both wanted to experience; only now I was going to have to experience it alone – for the both of us.