The Giggle-a-Day Joke Book

HarperCollins Children’s Books an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain by Collins in 2001

Compilation copyright © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2001

Text copyright © Child Of Achievement™ Awards 2001

Illustrations by Sue Heap

Cover illustration by Nick Sharratt

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780007115914

Ebook Edition © February 2016 ISBN: 9780008191597

Version: 2016-02-25

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Introduction

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Anyday

Acknowledgements

About the Publisher

The postman climbed the steep outside steps to our office with a large sack of mail. As I opened the door he said, ‘Nomination forms?’ They are pretty good, our Post Office. They deliver nearly 10,000 nomination forms a year – some simply addressed ‘Child Of Achievement Awards’, some without stamps.

‘No,’I said, ‘I don’t think so.’

The next day, with a similar size bag but a more enquiring voice, he asked, ‘Requests for grants, is it?’ with a knowing look. The Charity receives thousands of requests for grants. We give 150 every year, ranging from hundreds to thousands of pounds, to help children achieve more.

‘No,’ I said, ‘I don’t think so.’

The next time we met, the postbag was just as big – and so was the postman’s determination. If he was going to lug bulging sacks up the stairway, his curiosity had to be satisfied. Putting the bag on the step, he asked, ‘Is it an appeal?’

‘No,’ I replied, ‘It’s a joke book.’

‘You’re having a laugh, aren’t you?’ came the response.

‘We certainly hope to,’ I said. ‘The more people laugh, the more joke books will be bought, and the more money the Charity will receive.’ Determined to prove my point, I asked him to pick an envelope from the sack. He delved in like a child at a lucky dip and produced a brown envelope. It turned out to be an electricity bill! Despite being given so many things for nothing, we too still have to pay for the basics in life. But the postman seemed strangely satisfied. However, I was reluctant to let the challenge drop. I plunged my hand in and brought out an envelope that looked as if it was going to be a great laugh inside. I was proved right – out came not just one joke, but pages and pages from one of our Award winners.

‘Who sent that, then?’ he asked.

‘One of our Award winners,’ I said.

‘But they’ve won Awards because they all have really serious things wrong with them. Or they’ve helped their mums and families if they are ill. I know, because I read about some in the papers, and in that Yearbook you have. And of course …’ he said with a smile of a man who knows a thing or two, ‘I’ve visited your website too, www.childofachievement.co.uk. How can those children feel like writing jokes?’

‘But that’s just the point.’ I said. ‘If the children, with all their problems, can still have a laugh at life, don’t we owe it to them and their school friends, who’ve also sent in jokes, to make this the best joke book ever? It’s not just in aid of the Charity – it’s written by the children themselves.’

‘Here,’ he said, ‘let me see that joke.’

I handed the page over.

My teacher does bird impressions.

What does she do – whistle like a canary?

No, she watches me like a hawk!

The joke was from eight-year-old Laurence McGivern, who had had his legs amputated below the knee when he was little, yet had gone on to compete and win commendations in Irish Dance competitions.

‘Sums it all up,’ the postman said. ‘That bag won’t be quite so heavy next time I bring it up. I’ll carry it with a lighter heart, on condition you give me a laugh a day.’

‘Call it a giggle-a-day,’ I said, ‘and you’ve got yourself a deal.’

JULIE FISHER

Founder

Child Of Achievement™ Awards