The Positive Woman

No, I don’t think I could write a book on positive thinking.

Gael Lindenfield, 1988

But here it is – and so yet another nail goes into the coffin of my negative demon! But I’m glad that I can still recall, and own, this initial response to a suggestion from my publisher. There are two reasons for this: firstly, it reminds me of the tremendous power which negative conditioning can exert on our minds; and secondly, it illustrates how important it is to have positive strategies with which consciously to fight such a destructive force!

As a therapist, I am probably more aware than most people of how negative thoughts, feelings and behaviour can seriously limit and damage our chances of both health and happiness. I have seen with my own eyes plenty of evidence to back up the research which is now proving the power of the mind’s influence over the body, and I note that many people from other professions are also acknowledging this. For example:

• Even the most medically or surgically orientated doctors are listening to evidence which suggests that positive thinking bolsters the immune system and encourages the body’s self-healing capacities.

• Cynical and sceptical die-hards of the business world are becoming convinced that a positively orientated work force thinks more creatively and has more energy than one which is depressed and fearful.

• Teachers are realizing that pupils learn more effectively when there is an emphasis on positive stimulation rather than destructive punishment.

• Coaches are fostering optimism and hope in their athletes, knowing that they can run faster, jump higher and shoot goals more accurately if they believe they can win.

So why should I initially have made such a negative response to my publisher’s suggestion? The reasons were, I believe, both cultural and personal. The personal causes lie deep in my own personality structure. I emerged from childhood with major doubts about my own self-worth and the ability of the world to offer me any happiness or success. These doubts continued to be strengthened as I proceeded to disappoint myself with impossible challenges and cynical friends throughout my early adult years. Fortunately, one day as I reached the very depths of despair, I became aware that I had the choice of life or death, and that if I was to take the responsibility for living seriously I would have to take control of my personality. With not inconsiderable help, I taught myself to recognize my negative reactions, control them and replace them with a more ‘healthy’ positive approach.

The cultural reasons for my hesitance were mainly to do with my gender as a woman. At that time, the subject of positive thinking was most closely identified with the kind of success that is measured chiefly by bank balances. Its famous gurus were men preaching to ambitious work-orientated men; whereas I, being a typical female from the caring professions, had spent a career helping ‘the underdogs’ (mainly women) cope with much more mundane everyday personal problems with partners, parents, children, colleagues and friends. Now, just a few years later, men and women are moving much more freely between each others’ traditional worlds. Many of my clients are now men – and I even run personal development courses in that hitherto ‘alien’ world of big business!