Ugly Shy Girl

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Copyright

About the Publisher

You might have once known somebody like Ugly shy girl.

You might have even been like her yourself.

The story I am about to unravel starts in a normal place, like I don’t know, Streatham or Elm Park … except not in London because there are more trees…

A normal place where people know each other a little bit more and

Still go to church on a Sunday

And bake cakes to raise money for the church

Where tea time is at 5.30

And shops shut at 6.

And young people do not curse or say, ‘I want.’

And people still buy After Eights and buy loaves that come in brown paper bags and fight for rashers of bacon.

A place where the kids sit and smoke in bus shelters and steal traffic cones and write ‘EMMA 4 BEN 4 EVA’ on the sides of bridges, that kind of place. On a normal road with a couple of paper shops, a post office, a few pigeons squabbling over a small discarded leg of fried chicken; is a normal brick house and inside live a very out of the ordinary family indeed.

The reason the Rodgers are so out of the ordinary is because they don’t really behave like a family at all. They are almost like a bunch of lodgers living in separate rooms, never crossing paths, sneakily stealing a blob of butter or a drop of milk. It wasn’t always like this, they had tried once upon a time, but now they were like a reject puzzle from the puzzle factory. No matter how hard they tried the pieces didn’t fit, the components not compatible.

This is Mrs Rodgers … or Camilla. Notice the tadpole like eyebrows, the heavy pencil that colours them in and the lipstick. She has worn that shade her entire lipstick-wearing life, ‘Flawless’. The manufacturers went bust in the late nineties so she buy sit in bulk online. Camilla is a time-bomb waiting to go off, filling up her day with vital time-saving activities such as making her breakfast the night before work or using disposable plates and cutlery. Mrs Rodgers is obsessed with anything ‘handy’; pocket-sized 6pk tissues, and disinfectant hand spray, diaries that come with a pen. Camilla believes strictly in routine and order, she has trained her body like a scientist would a robot, disciplining herself not to eat, sleep or even use the toilet unless absolutely necessary. She never burps or coughs, sneezes or yawns. She is like a mechanical doll. Mrs Rodgers met Mr Rodgers in the days when she was young and busty; both were two odd strays at a charity summer fête and had no choice but to join forces in a 3-legged race. They came last and laughed about it at the time but Mrs Rodgers has never forgiven Colin for allowing them to come last and probably never will … actually … this is my story … no, she will never forgive him.

Colin, (Mr Rodgers), was always a happy child. Growing up he was known for his kindness to animals and was encouraged to study biology at school to further his interest. Sadly, he suffered from dyslexia and without the support, failed his exams. Two days after his devastating results, Colin’s father was hit by a tractor and with two younger sisters and a widowed mother, Colin, being the devoted brother and son he was, saw no other choice than to take over his father’s job as a farmer. However, he was kicked in the face by his favourite horse Bracken (by accident) which not only meant he suffered from a slight case of brain damage, he also managed to lose every tooth in his pie hole. Nice. Colin decided not to have his teeth replaced. He firmly believes that everything happens for a reason. These days, Colin likes nothing more than the sofa and watching recorded videotapes of snooker. He survives on the happiness in his gut that reminds him his cup is always half full. As much as he enjoyes his nightcap, ‘cheese on toast with a beer mixed in’ (I’m terribly sorry, I don’t know what that’s called), there is nothing that makes him drunker than life itself. Colin just has a beautiful soul and although his life hasn’t panned out exactly as he’d planned, he wouldn’t change a single bit of it.

James is their twenty-year-old son. He likes these three things; cars, talking about his 21st birthday and a girl called Rebecca Great who has a slight case of nappy rash around the lower half of her neck. To his face, Rebecca likes to pretend she fancies James, but really, behind his back, she says some wretched things, aimed mainly at the spare tooth that pokes out of his gum that she refers to as ‘the tusk’.

And then there lives one other person. A person that is more private and quiet than all of those we’ve just encountered. Abigail is so shy it’s a wonder how people ever see her. For she is like a tiny speck of dust that the Hoover has forgotten to suck up. Unlike most seventeen year olds, Abigail has a very difficult life, she is plagued with constant cruelty and downright meanness. There is always somebody at college giving her a hard time and she is bullied, horrendously. The Rodgers have no idea that their daughter is so terribly unpopular … or that she is known as the Ugly Shy Girl.