Undivided: Coming Out, Becoming Whole, and Living Free From Shame
Vicky Beeching, called "arguably the most influential Christian of her generation" in The Guardian, began writing songs for the church in her teens. By the time she reached her early thirties, Vicky was a household name in churches on both sides of the pond.Recording multiple albums and singing in America's largest megachurches, her music was used weekly around the globe and translated into numerous languages.But this poster girl for evangelical Christianity lived with a debilitating inner battle: she was gay. The tens of thousands of traditional Christians she sang in front of were unanimous in their view – they staunchly opposed same-sex relationships and saw homosexuality as a grievous sin. Vicky knew if she ever spoke up about her identity it would cost her everything.Faced with a major health crisis, at the age of thirty-five she decided to tell the world that she was gay. As a result, all hell broke loose. She lost her music career and livelihood, faced threats and vitriol from traditionalists, developed further health issues from the immense stress, and had to rebuild her life almost from scratch.But despite losing so much she gained far more: she was finally able to live from a place of wholeness, vulnerability, and authenticity. She finally found peace. What's more, Vicky became a champion for others, fighting for LGBT equality in the church and in the corporate sector. Her courageous work is creating change in the US and the UK, as she urges people to celebrate diversity, live authentically, and become "undivided".
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William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain in 2018 by William Collins
First published in the United States by HarperOne in 2018
Copyright © Victoria Beeching
Victoria Beeching asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Designed by Yvonne Chan
Front cover Design by Matthias Roberts
Photos by Nicholas Dawkes
“Above All Else” here by Vicky Beeching, copyright © 2001 Vineyard Songs (UK/Eire) (PRS) admin. in North America by Music Services.
“Undivided Heart” here and here by Vicky Beeching, copyright © 2010 Thankyou Music (PRS) (adm. worldwide at CapitalCMGPublishing.com excluding Europe which is adm. by Integrity Music, part of the David C. Cook family. [email protected]) / Integrity Worship Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com). All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from New Revised Standard Version Bible. Copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Source ISBN: 9780008182144
Ebook Edition © June 2018 ISBN: 9780008182151
Version: 2018-07-18
This book is dedicated to the memory of Lizzie Lowe, a fourteen-year-old British girl who tragically took her own life in 2014 because she feared telling her Christian community that she was gay.
Research statistics show that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBTQ+) young people are far more likely to self-harm, suffer from mental-health issues, and contemplate suicide than their heterosexual peers.
For Lizzie and the countless other LGBTQ+ young people who have ended their lives out of fear and shame: We will remember you. Your stories matter. We carry you in our hearts.
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Preface
PART I: BEGINNINGS
PART II: OXFORD
PART III: AMERICA
PART IV: RETURNING HOME
PART V: INTO THE UNKNOWN
Appendix: A Benediction for Inclusive Worship
Footnote
Notes
Author’s Note: Resources and Disclaimers
Acknowledgments
About the Author
This is a book about me, and also not a book about me.
It’s a memoir about the battle I’ve fought to make peace with who I am and to unlearn a lifetime of shame and fear. In my case, this centered on the vast tension between being gay and being Christian.
When I asked on social media, “What would you like me to include in my memoir?,” hundreds of you responded. A common theme was: “I identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community too. I wish there were more books I could relate to about growing up dealing with identity struggles. Reading those would make me feel less alone.” Others of you said, “I’m straight, but I want to understand what it’s like to be gay, so I can be a better ally. Your story could provide one example of that.”
Some messages I received said, “I believe the Bible teaches that same-sex relationships are sinful. Can you explain how you understand the Bible on this topic?” Others said, “I’m nonreligious and work in the corporate world, where I’m championing diversity. Your memoir could shine a light on the harm it does when you can’t be your authentic self at work. It could encourage businesses to take better care of their staff’s well-being.”
I decided that all of these suggestions were important, so I chose to use them as my guide. Also, I decided that unless I was going to get vulnerable enough in the writing process to wonder whether I should really be putting certain things in print, the book was unlikely to help anyone. So prepare for me to share (and perhaps overshare) about the highs and lows of my teens, twenties, and thirties; about how I finally found the courage to come out, leaping into the unknown; and about what life has been like since.
Some of you, I hope, will feel a resonance—a sense of “me too.” Others of you reading this who believe that LGBTQ+ equality goes against the teachings of Bible, thank you for giving this book a chance. I hope you’ll keep the door of your heart open as you travel through its pages.
