We Are Not Okay
13 Reasons Why meets John Green and Jennifer Niven in We Are Not Ok - a powerful novel about what happens when girls are silenced.If only they could have spoken out. Lucy thinks she’s better than the other girls.Maybe if she’s pointing fingers at everyone else, no one will see the secret she’s hiding.Ulana comes from a conservative Muslim family where reputation is everything. One rumour -true or false – can destroy futures.Trina likes to party. She’s kissed a lot of boys. She’s even shown her red bra to one. But she didn’t consent to thatnight at Lucy’s party. So why doesn’t anyone believeher?Sophia loved her boyfriend. She did anything for him, even send him photos of herself. So why is she the one being pointed at in the hallways, laughed at, spat at when it was him who betrayed her trust?
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NATÁLIA GOMES has an MLitt in Scottish Literature & Creative Writing and an MEd in Education. Inspired by her experiences as a special education coordinator in a public school district in the US, Natália started writing fiction with a focus on mental health among young adults. Her debut novel Dear Charlie is endorsed by Amnesty International and was longlisted for the 2018 International Dublin Literary Award.
Natália currently lives in Scotland with her chocolate labrador Charlie, and is completing a PhD in English Studies.
If you want to get in touch, follow Natália on Twitter @nd_gomes and on Instagram @ndgomes
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
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London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2019
Copyright © Natália Gomes 2019
Natália Gomes asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008291853
This book is dedicated to the numerous campaigns
and charities that challenge us on how we think
and speak about sexual violence and bullying.
#WeAreNotOkay Songlist
DAUGHTER–Youth
CIVIL WARS & TAYLOR SWIFT–Safe & Sound
JOY WILLIAMS–Don’t Let Me Down
GABRIELLE APLIN–Please Don’t Say You Love Me
PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Georgia
FOXES–Devil Side
CHVRCHES–The Mother We Share
STAVES–Make it Holy
BROODS–Worth the Fight
LANA DEL REY–Love
PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Smoke Signals
JAPANESE HOUSE–Face Like Thunder
LORDE–Yellow Flicker Beat
DAUGHTER–Home
BIRDY–Wild Horses
PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Motion Sickness
BROODS–Heartlines
THE WIND AND THE WAVE–It’s a Longer Road to California Than I Thought
SMITH & THELL–Statues
BIRDY–Wings
Contents
His fingers graze my lips. Inside I explode.
His hand reaches behind my neck and scoops a handful of my hair. Tipping my head back slightly, he kisses my neck.
I grip the edge of the bed, clutching a handful of the floral quilt cover. My other hand slides up his torso, over his navy T-shirt, and up to his head. I pull him in closer and feel a churning in my belly. When his lips find mine again, the butterflies disappear.
Everything about him is familiar but new at the same time.
He brushes a stray strand off my face and loops it between his fingers.
I don’t know where his other hand is until I feel it on the belt loop of my jeans, then it’s on my stomach.
My body lurches. I don’t like his hand there. He must feel that loose saggy skin around my middle, the curve of my belly after a big meal, the fat.
I scoot my body to the side, away from his hand.
‘Are you OK?’ he whispers.
If I draw attention to it then he’ll be thinking about it, like me. I’ll be unattractive to him. Disgusting. So I just nod and then pull him in again so he forgets what just happened.
He presses harder against my lips, then slides his hand back over my stomach but this time he moves it before I have a chance to. He’s moving it upwards though and now it’s at the edge of the cardigan around my shoulders. He shimmies it off my shoulder and I shift my weight slightly to let him bring it down around my elbows. My green vest with the lace scalloped trim is exposed. It’s really a PJ top – well, one half of a shorts set from Next that I got for my birthday one year. It’s not supposed to be a top. He’s not supposed to see it. But he is. And I’m letting him.
Outside, rain beats hard on the window pane, pushing its way into our space, our moment. The wind cries and howls. It wants in. And for a moment – a brief fleeting moment – I think I want out. But then that thought passes or is forced out of my mind because I don’t want out. I want to be here with Steve. With my boyfriend. I’m just scared. It’s moving too fast. I’m not ready. But he is.
I stretch out my hand awkwardly, my arm still caught in the fabric of my cardigan, to tap on the music on my phone. I’ve created a playlist for us with all of our favourite songs but also some new ones. I hope he likes it. I spent time working on it last night, probably when I should have been finishing my physics homework but this seemed more important to me.
