I
Childhood's curvy tracks
To understand, why that restless soul is constantly on the move and in search for himself in this big world, we have to dig in the past. Hans was born in the seventies in a small settlement which was then under USSR1 & was from a family with many children. He doesn’t remember much from his early childhood. The first memories come from the last group of kindergarten and starting school. In school, he studied as he found fit. He did get some good grades once in a while, but he was not interested in grades, as he loved to say. There were other kids in the family as well beside him. At one point it came out, that the man raising him up wasn’t Hans’ biological father. His parents were divorced and did not get along. They got divorced when Hans was only a baby, and he has no memories about that either. He started to understand only when he was about six or seven years old & realized that the other kids in the family had different surnames. Hans didn’t get an answer at first, why it was like that. His mother bulked from answers and well to be fair, he didn’t understand what a biological father is. Was he too young for these kinds of questions & answers? His life was great until he became about twelve or thirteen. There were often conflicts, in particular with the stepfather. Of course, there had been smaller conflicts and arguments, but now for some reason, they started to happen more and more often, especially when they were alone together. Why? Hans couldn’t answer that question for years. Over time more and more children were born into the family, and the wind of change was in the air. The older the boy became, the more difficult the situation became – the paterfamilias obviously made a distinction between his own kids and step-kids. Nobody but him knows, what changed him. The children were there before as well when he joined the family and took the responsibilities of being a paterfamilias. He had to consider and love them all equally, or he just desired the single woman with kids so much, that he didn’t think sober and just didn’t take the kids into account. Did the desire blind the senses? Or was there something else to it? A chance to put someone in one’s place? Hans got the opportunity to be an October and also a boy scout. Done everything, what one school kid & boy does in their childhood: fooled around, fought, stood in the corner and behind the door for bad behavior. Picked on the neighbor’s cat and plucked the girls’ braids. Had the chance to cry and laugh. There was also a time were finished the 8th grade and had to decide, who and what he was going to become. At the time, there was a psychologist-adviser, who was doing individual tests with the students. It was to get to know, which worthy occupation shall the student get in the USSR. Hans, like most boys at that time, was interested in engineering and space. The matter of honor for every honest and ambitious Soviet Union citizen was to become a cosmonaut or at least a pilot. Militia and chauffeur were ranked right below. Some even wished to become Lenin.2 The psychologist-adviser made it very clear to Hans that he will never be able to get into a cockpit, not to mention into the cosmodrome. His grades and possibly also abilities were far below average and besides, the results of the tests and exams, it came out that engineering wasn’t even fit for him. The boy should instead become a librarian or a gardener. “Eww,” thought Hans to himself and left the office frowning. “You can become a damn gardener yourself,” he mumbled and slammed the door. The summer was close, and there was plenty of time to think about the future. Hans got the hold of his real dad’s address from the back of a card, he had stolen from his mother and also managed to contact his father via a letter secretly. Later during the summer, Hans visited his father’s home and new family several times. They had also met a couple of occasions in school as well, but to keep things cool at home, he didn’t tell about it to anyone. Even though mum suspected it, but she never asked. No one noticed when Hans went on those visits – he had spent nights before, without anyone knowing where he was and without later asking, where he had been. It was easier for everyone that way. Visiting his dad, he found out that on top of the step-siblings he already had at home, there was more, at his father’s place. They were step siblings, but still siblings, as his father loved to say, who was still distant and a stranger to him. The active life of the capital attracted Hans so much that he would have loved to move there immediately. Solely thinking about the life in the city gave him goosebumps. Hans began to look into studying opportunities in the capital. He had to start learning a profession in the autumn, as he wasn’t going to waste time on high school. Unfortunately, the suitable schools didn’t have available rooms in the dorms, and the thought of moving to his dad’s place was too scary. So there was no other way, but to go to a vocational school near his home. At least the dorm there was decent and the thought of being independent comforted him so he filled in the application to enter the school. He was sure that he would get in without much trouble. There were some entrance exams, but Hans had no doubt in his capability of doing those. Summer slipped away, and it was just the time to challenge himself. Hans did the exams and after a few-hour-long waiting got the results. He became a fully fledged student of this vocational school. The day before the beginning of his independent life his parents brought him to the dorm. He was packed with some food, a bag of potatoes and a few rubles on top of that. Then they warned him how to behave and gone they were. The dorm was silent at that time. It was still early, and he was presumably the only person in the building. Even the crooked commandant had left and was pottering about in some nearby garden. Hans clattered around in the dorm, checked the kitchen and just wandered around in other rooms. He sauntered back to the chamber and lied down on the bed. He imagined what will his roommate be like, where is he from and what are his hobbies. Having this on his mind he fell asleep. He woke up due to some loud clatter. He squinted his eyes and sat down. Some 2-meter-tall thug stepped into the room. Rasmus, he said and lied down on the spare bed. They had a moment to introduce themselves. Hans agreed with the guy on the positive side of not having to see the parents and listen to their whining for at least 5 and a half days of the week. Rasmus was interested mostly in heavy metal, motocross and girls. As he was telling, he just had a plenty of them. He took some pictures out of his wallet and gave them to Hans for checking. As he bragged, everyone was crazy for him. The new roommate inspected superficially examined Hans’s life and started unpacking. He drew a big double cassette radio out of his big backpack that Hans thought to be a luxurious item. Because his parents were had a sweet spot at work, he couldn’t complain about the incomes, and the only child in the family got all he wanted. You could see this by the huge bags he as the only kid had been packed with. He stuck the cassette into the radio, and it filled the room with noise. “Judas Priest” yelled the long-haired guy and performed some weird moves he considered as dance moves in the middle of the chamber. Hans could understand this kind of music. He saw it as pointless shouting torturing the instruments. He preferred a mild rock and pop music. “I’ll let my father bring the TV,” said Hans and inspected the room while he thought where he could place it. “We could use a fridge too; I’m not going to store anything in the shared fridge.” These scrubs will stick it up their asses. This finished the topic. Hans liked his roommate. At least he wasn’t cocky he thought. They kept on chatting for about an hour and then it was the time to go to sleep. Even though the official silent hours started at eleven everyone had to already be silent at ten. The tall guy found the switch with his leg and switched the lights off. In a few hours, the room was filled with the loud noise of snoring. The first September started with someone loudly knocking on the door. “Wake up you lazy maggots!” screamed the commandant and moments later he was yelling the same thing behind the next door. Young vocational students left the beds and swiftly went to the common bathroom-toilet. You snooze you loose principle applied. The bathroom was divided in 3. It was meant for eight rooms so it could fit at least eight people at a time. Luckily no one else from other rooms had come so the boys could finish their deeds quickly. They had at least one hour before the first school day began. Both were eating something from their bags. For a few minutes, you could only hear some crunching, chewing and coughing from times to times. The first festive breakfast in the dorm was finished. The hallway kept on filling with more and more noise, racket, running, ramming the doors and swearing. Rasmus and Hans looked at each other and headed for the door. The school was just a few minutes of walk from the dorm so they didn’t have to hurry and they both took a cigarette. The same moment they took a few good muffs the commandant stuck his head out of the window and started yelling. “Freaking idiots! You brats don’t smoke like this in front of the dorm, get the hell out of here!” Boys ran behind the corner blushing because of the shame. They both thought they could do what they want now. “Damn old hag. Thinks she can come and start messing with us,” said Rasmus in anger. Hans started laughing as this was only funny for him. “My parents allow me to some at home,” Rasmus kept on playing a tough guy. Hans couldn’t boast with that, as he had to do that secretly and after that, he had to chew on spruce needles to get rid of the stench of smoke. The front of the school was packed with old and new students. The first-course students kept their distance, and the older boys were showing off in front of girls and shouting. Hans and Rasmus sneaked into the school from the main door and stopped by the bulletin board, to read, if there was something useful for them. “Hans!” shouted the tall one. “Lets go to the chemistry cabinet on the second floor; there’s our course.” They walked up the stairs and were trying to find the correct door. The class was already packed, and there were only a couple of free seats left. Roommates found themselves free seats and looked around with curiosity. A few students came in from time to time and filled up all the seats. Suddenly the school bell rang and filled the air with a cutting noise; the school day had begun. In a few minutes, an older man with a moustache, a beard and who was wearing a plaid suit, entered the class and said: “Well then … I mean … khm, khm … I am your new course tutor, boys.” You could hear giggling from here and there in the classroom. “Quiet!” shouted the home room teacher and made clear a few rules to the whole class and gazed at students who were thinking about arguing. During the day the timetable was also made clear for everyone and which classroom is where. There was no studying during that day. Everyone got tonnes of different study material, and the boys were freed halfway through the day. It seemed that many of the students in this course, where local and you could also see it from their behaviour – they were different from others by their behaviour and slight arrogance. I mean, the others had intruded their territory, and they had to show who’s the boss. There were already some smaller scuffles here and there. Rasmus and Hans were walking back to the dorm along the long alley, threw the study material on the table, which they got from school and were now planning on going to the local shop. A group of older course students had gathered in front of the dorm, who were checking out and judging the new students. They didn’t bother us though, probably because of his size and height. A smaller boy who came behind them was caught by the big guys though. He was meager, with curly hair and with huge glasses. If Hans remembered correctly, he was in the room next to theirs. Hans and Rasmus stopped and watched curiously in the distance, what’s going to happen next. “Einstein, smack me,” commanded the older course students. “What do you mean?” he asked the bullies with innocent eyes. Loud laughter filled the air. “Where the hell is this idiot coming from?” asked someone and the air was filled with laughter once again. Googly eyed young Einstein was quickly reminded, how he should behave from now on. “He will have a tough time here,” Rasmus said and continued walking. There was nobody, but an older shopkeeper in the shop, all of the shelves were empty, and the room was filled with the smell of fish and laundry facilities. “We should have a couple of beers to celebrate the first of September,” offered Rasmus and looked at Hans with anticipation. Hans still had some money left he had earned in the summer so he could spend some, and besides his parents had given him some money for food. “You think they’ll give it to us?” he doubted. “Of course, just follow my lead!” whispered Rasmus, filled the basket with Žiguli
