Bad Cook
The ebook inspired by the hugely popular Recipe Rifle blog.One of the funniest cookbooks you are ever likely to read. And definitely the sweariest.For over three years now, Esther Walker has been entertaining foodies with her hilarious Recipe Rifle blog. Charting her progress from bad cook to, well, not-so-bad cook, she is blisteringly honest about what works, and what doesn’t, in the kitchen. If a recipe works for her, it will probably work for you. If it doesn’t, she will swear quite a lot.Crammed full of recipes, tips for entertaining, stories of pregnancy and tales of her husband (restaurant critic Giles Coren) coming home drunk, The Bad Cook will make you laugh out loud. It will also make you want to start cooking.
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BAD COOK
Esther Walker
Copyright
William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published by The Friday Project 2013
Copyright © Esther Walker
Esther Walker asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content or written content has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication
Ebook Edition © March 2013 ISBN: 9780007515721
Version: 2017-08-17
D is for Daddy
Contents
Note: What You Need in Your Kitchen
Things No-one Ever Tells You About Cooking
Where I Go on About Being Pregnant Quite a Lot
Being Pregnant Becomes Tedious
A carrot cake with a frosting of mascarpone and orange by Nigel Slater
Interlude: Things to Make Sure You Have Done Before You Bring a Baby Home from Hospital
Auntie Hannah’s Courgette Thing
Please Do Not Invite Me to Your Party
What the Hell to Do with Red Mullet
The Time I Went on a Date with Jason Orange
You Can’t Fake a Family (AKA Worst Holiday Ever Part 2)
Where I Finally Go Completely Mad
The Perfect is The Enemy of the Good
Life Stoves My Head in with a Plank
How to Cater for a Lot of People Without Going Insane or Having to Be a Very Good Cook
Interlude: How to Talk to a Butcher
Making Dinner, Night after Night, Without Going Insane
A Ham is Not Just for Christmas
Prologue
I always skip over prologues in books because it’s almost always the boring author, boring on about some dreary yet grand schema they have for their dismal little work. But this isn’t going to be boring!! I promise!! And you need to read it to understand what follows. I need to explain just what the hell is going on. So, ready?
In 2009 I walked out on my job as a features writer on the Independent. Being a features writer was my dream job, until I started doing it and realized that I was no good at it. Worse, the paper was running at a massive loss with a miserable shortage of staff, money and morale. They didn’t like me, and I didn’t like them and the whole thing was a terrible disaster. I left with no job to go to, but I lived with my rich boyfriend and I thought that with my experience and the few friends I had in the industry, I could get myself some sort of freelancing career.
But about two months after I went, Lehman Brothers collapsed, the housing market swiftly followed and the world sank into a recession, which seems ongoing. This, coupled with the fact that as chance would have it I am not only the world’s worst features writer, I am apparently also the world’s worst freelance journalist, spelled disaster for my career.
I just could not get it together. Getting a piece published suddenly seemed to be a horrific task of unimaginable difficulty. Faced with trying to get something published in the Daily Mail or going back to get the Aegean stables really spotless, I promise you, had he known what was involved, Hercules would have gone for his mop and Marigolds in a trice.
