Demon Dentist
The jaw-achingly funny novel from David Walliams, the number one bestselling author! Make your appointment if you dare…Darkness had come to the town. Strange things were happening in the dead of night. Children would put a tooth under their pillow for the tooth fairy, but in the morning they would wake up to find… a dead slug; a live spider; hundreds of earwigs creeping and crawling beneath their pillow.Evil was at work. But who or what was behind it…?Read this book and find out!
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For my tightly folded bud…
Thank yous:
A few very impootment>* thankingyous*.
Firstness*, the greatportant* Tony Ross, for once again bringing my words to life with your fantmazingillicous* illustrawings*.
Thankingyou* too to the head of children’s books at HarperCollins, Ann-Janine Murtagh, for all your beliefmentness* in me and my boovels*.
The editor Ruth Alltimes must be thankinged *
too for her meticuliffilous* editnessment*.
Kate Clarke and Elorine Grant, thankingyou both for your incrediment* cover and text designyness*.
The publicimitiousness* for this boovel* was organmented* by Sam White and Geraldine Stroud, thankingyou* ladymen*.
Thankingyou* too to the desk editor Lily Morgan.
Finallingness*, a hugalumptious* thankingyou * to my agent Paul Stevens at Independent. You are the bestmentiousness*.
* Multiple made-up word and phraseALERTS
BEWARE.
THIS IS A
HORROR STORY.
WITH QUITE
A LOT OF
MADE-UP WORDS.
Prologue
Darkness had come to the town. Strange things were happening in the dead of night. Children would put a tooth under their pillow at bedtime, excitedly waiting for the tooth fairy to leave a coin. In the morning they would wake up to find something unspeakable under there. A dead slug. A live spider. Hundreds and hundreds of earwigs creeping and crawling beneath their pillow. Or worse. Much worse…
Someone or something had come into their bedrooms in the hours of darkness, snatched the tooth and left a blood-curdling calling card behind.
Evil was at work.
But who or what was behind it?
How could they sneak into children’s bedrooms without being seen?
And what could they possibly want with all those teeth…?
Meet the characters in this story:
Alfie, a boy with rotten teeth
Dad, Alfie’s dad
Gabz, a little girl
Miss Root, a dentist
Fang, her cat
Miss Hare, a Science teacher
Winnie, a social worker
Raj, a newsagent
PC Plank, a policeman
Texting Boy, a boy who never stops texting
Mr Grey, a headmaster
Mr Snood, a Drama teacher
Mrs Morrissey, an old lady
Alfie hated going to the dentist. As a result the boy’s teeth were almost all yellow. The ones that weren’t yellow were brown. They bore the stains of all the goodies that children love, but dentists hate. Sweets, fizzy drinks, chocolate. The teeth that were neither yellow nor brown simply weren’t there any more. They had fallen out. One had bitten into a toffee and stayed there. Assorted fruit-flavoured chews had claimed others. This is what young Alfie looked like when he smiled…
That’s because this twelve-year-old boy hadn’t gone to the dentist since he was very little.
Alfie’s last visit was when he was around six. It was a simple case of toothache, but it ended in disaster. The dentist was an ancient man, Mr Erstwhile. Despite his good intentions, Mr Erstwhile should have retired many years before. The dentist looked like a tortoise, an old tortoise at that. He wore glasses so thick they made his eyes appear to be the size of tennis balls. Mr Erstwhile told Alfie the tooth in question was rotten, a filling wouldn’t save it and unfortunately he had no option but to take it out.
The dentist yanked and yanked and yanked with his huge steel forceps. But the tooth wouldn’t come. Mr Erstwhile even rested his foot up on the chair by Alfie’s head to lever himself against it to help wrench the wretched tooth out. Still it wouldn’t come.
The ancient dentist then enlisted the help of his even older dental nurse. Miss Prig was instructed to hold on to him and tug as hard as she could. Even then the tooth wouldn’t come.
Soon the hefty receptionist, Miss Veal, was asked to step into the room to help. Miss Veal weighed more than Mr Erstwhile and Miss Prig put together. But even with all her ballast, the tooth wouldn’t come.
Just then the dentist had an idea, and ordered Miss Prig to fetch some particularly thick dental floss. He carefully tied the floss around the forceps, and then looped it around Miss Veal’s ample frame. The dentist then instructed his rotund receptionist to leap out of the window on the count of three. But even with all of Miss Veal’s immense weight yanking on the boy’s tooth, it still wouldn’t come.
