Halibut and green beans had never been so unappetizing.
As I picked at the food that was artfully displayed on a bone-white china plate, which was in turn nestled onto a pink chargerâthe exact putrid pink of the rest of the weddingâqueasiness settled deep in my belly.
I knew it wasnât because of anything other than my own unhappiness.
I hadnât had sex with my husband for more than a year. He wasnât happy about it. Neither was I.
And stillâ¦neither of us seemed able to do anything about it. There wasnât any easy way to break through that ice. That ice that was colorless and tasteless, yet very much still there.
Every attempt to make love in recent memory had been nothing short of a disaster, complete with tears, shouting and the inevitable consumption of copious amounts of alcohol.
Consequently I felt about as far from sexy as I could. Not to mention it was all I could think about. As I sat there, my head bowed down over my plate of typical wedding fare, strands of copper sticking wetly to my sweaty neck, I felt fat, frumpy and miserable.
It was hard to believe that Iâd ever dated the groom, the still ridiculously good-looking Nick. But heâd moved on, and was marrying willow-slim, überblonde, incredibly gorgeous Suzanne. We were still friends, yes, but I was no longer the kind of woman that would, or even could, attract his attention.
I snuck a sideways glance at my husband, handsome as ever, even with his skin glistening in the heat. Heâd removed his suit jacket and loosened his tie to gain some relief from the soaring temperatures, but the rumpled look only served to heighten my attraction to the man Iâd pledged to love, honor and cherish only five short years ago.
If something didnât change, and soon, I was incredibly afraid that five years was all we were going to get.
With a huge sigh, I forked up a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Theyâd probably been pretty good once upon a time, but after sitting at the buffet for who knows how long, theyâd turned the consistency of glue.
Tasted a lot like it, too.
I closed my lips around the tines of my fork, slid the potatoes off. As I did I exhaled, a huge sigh that had my breasts straining against the tight black satin of my halter style dress.
âImogen.â I turned to find Ty staring at me.
I flushed the deep red of the fresh strawberries that decorated the wedding cake. When I felt fat, I hated people watching me eat. Even my husband, with whom I was supposed to be able to share everything. Had shared everything, not so long ago.
Swallowing thickly, I laid my fork down beside my plate. Summoning a forced smile, I tried to make my eyes look wide and interested, though I suspected that the effect was more stunned than anything else.
âWhatâs up, hon?â I noted, with only a touch of resentment, that heâd cleared half of his plate already without any hint of embarrassment. Heâd finish it all, I knew, and likely go back for seconds. Not to mention dessert.
And why shouldnât he? He was as fit and leanly muscled as heâd been when weâd met.
Unlike myself.
Still, I had to give him points for putting up a show. He reached across the table, laced my fingers through his, a gesture that was as familiar to me as my own hand. Leaning forward conspiratorially, like he was going to share a big secret, he gestured for me to do the same.
âListen to the couple at the end of the table.â There was an empty chair beside each of us, and on the other side of those pink beribboned chairs was a remarkable specimen of humanity. Iâd noticed both the man and the woman when weâd sat down at the table and exchanged those perfunctory nods and stiff smiles that were de rigueur when dining with strangers.
But I hadnât listened to them. Hadnât listened to much of anything, actually, other than the depressing monologue that was running through my own head.
But whatever it was had put a sparkle in Tyâs verdant eyes, and a flush in his cheeks. So I nonchalantly tilted my head in an effort to hear better, and made a show of picking up my glass of buttery chardonnay and sipping.
It was hard to hear over the roaring music of the swing band, but the occasional words and snippets that I caught seemed to all add up to the same thing.
The couple at the end of the table were looking to swing.
I furrowed my brow a bit at Ty. âDoes that mean what I think it means?â I giggled a bit as he tapped my bare ankle with his foot under the table, some of the stiffness of the situation momentarily forgotten in the absolute ridiculousness of our eavesdropping.