Mr Good Enough: The case for choosing a Real Man over holding out for Mr Perfect
Lori Gottlieb suggests the unthinkable: what if she, and single women everywhere, need to stop chasing the elusive Mr Perfect and instead opt for Mr Good Enough?Embarking on her own journey to find the ideal partner, Lori explores a prevalent issue facing women today - how do you reconcile a strong desire for a husband and family without wanting to settle for anything less than the perfect package…?After interviewing a range of people from behavioural therapists to marriage counsellors, neuropsychologists to divorce lawyers, as well as single and married men and women from their twenties right up to their sixties, Lori is well placed to offer an answerMr Good Enough is this year's intelligent, eye-opening insight into modern relationships - a fast, funny read which 'might just be a formula for marital bliss' The TimesNote that it has not been possible to include the same picture content that appeared in the original print version.
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Mr
Good Enough
LORI GOTTLIEB
The Case for
Choosing a Real Man Over Holding Out for Mr Perfect
For my husband, whoever you are.
Contents
PART ONE: How Did We Get Here?
2: The Romantic Comedy That Predicted My Future
3: How Feminism Fucked Up My Love Life
PART TWO: From Fantasy to Reality
5: Older, and Wanting to Be Wiser
8: Mondays with Evan: Session One: The Percentages
PART THREE: Making Smarter Choices
11: Mondays with Evan: Session Two: The Wrong Assumptions
14: Mondays with Evan: Session Three: The Lowdown
15: What First Dates Really Tell Us
16: Are Wo men Pickier Than Men?
PART FOUR: What Really Matters
17: Mondays with Evan Session Four: Wants Versus Needs
19: Love at Twenty-seventh Sight
20: Mondays with Evan: Session Five: The Chemistry-to-Compatibility Ratio
21: Dump the List, Not the Guy
PART FIVE: Putting It All Together
24: Claire’s Story—Getting Over Myself
25: Alexandra’s Story—Mr. Right in Front of Me
26: Hilary’s Story—Finding What I Needed
The events and facts presented in this book are true and based upon my reallife experiences and research. Names and personal details of some of my friends and others who appear in the book have been changed or, in a few instances, composites created either at the individual’s request or out of my concern for their privacy.
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.
—Widely attributed to Dr. Seuss
A NEW STORE HAS OPENED. A HUSBAND STORE! THERE‘S A SIGN AT THE ENTRANCE:
YOU MAY VISIT THE HUSBAND STORE ONLY ONCE. THERE ARE SIX FLOORS, AND THE VALUE OF THE PRODUCTS INCREASE ON EACH SUCCESSIVE FLOOR. THE SHOPPER CAN CHOOSE ANY ITEM FROM A PARTICULAR FLOOR, OR GO UP TO SHOP ON THE NEXT FLOOR, BUT SHE CANNOT GO BACK DOWN EXCEPT TO EXIT THE BUILDING.
So, a woman goes into the store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
FLOOR I— MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS.
“That’s nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.” So she continues upward, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 2—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS AND LOVE KIDS.
She’s intrigued, but continues to the third floor, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 3—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, AND ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
FLOOR 4—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME, AND HELP EQUALLY WITH THE HOUSEWORK.
“It can’t get better than this!” she exclaims. But then a voice inside her asks, “Or can it?” She goes up and reads the sign.
Floor 5—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME, HELP EQUALLY WITH THE HOUSEWORK, AND HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
Having found what she’s looking for, she’s tempted to stay, but something propels her to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 6—YOU ARE VISITOR 42,215,602 TO THIS FLOOR. THERE ARE NO MEN ON THIS FLOOR. THIS FLOOR ONLY EXISTS TO PROVE THAT WOMEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT THE HUSBAND STORE.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store right across the street.
The first floor has wives who Love Sex.
The second floor has wives who Love Sex and Are Kind.
The third floor has wives who Love Sex, Are Kind, and Like Sports.
The fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.
—My version of an old joke about choosing a husband
Okay, here they are. The qualities, off the top my head and in no particular order, that would be on my shopping list if I visited a Husband Store.
• Intelligent
• Kind
• Extremely funny
• Curious
• Loves kids
• Financially stable
• Emotionally stable
• Sexy
• Romantic
• Passionate
• Compassionate
• Irreverent
• Intuitive
• Generous
• Same religion but not too religious
• Optimistic but not naive
• Ambitious but not a workaholic
• Talented but humble
• Warm but not clingy
• Grounded but not boring
• Soulful but not new-agey
• Vulnerable but not weak
• Quirky but not weird
• Free-spirited but responsible
• Charismatic but genuine
• Strong but sensitive
• Athletic but not a sports nut
• Open-minded but has conviction
• Decisive but not bossy
• Mature but not old
• Creative but not an artist
• Supportive of my dreams and goals
• Has a sense of wonderment about the world
• Is close to my age (shares my cultural references)
• Good listener and communicator
• Flexible and can compromise
• Sophisticated—well-educated, well-traveled, has been around
• Over 5’10” but under 6’0”
• Has a full head of hair (wavy and dark would be nice—no blonds)
• Has shared political views
• Has shared values
• Is not into sci-fi or comic books
• Has good taste/sense of aesthetics
• Health-conscious and physically fit
