WHEN SUMMER BROKE in Manhattan, the sun burned hotter, the days turned muggy, men demanded their beer ice-cold, and women expected the martinis chilled. The sun was setting on one such blistering Thursday evening when the middle-aged female approached the long mahogany bar, a blush on her cheeks and her mouth creased in an apologetic smile.
Gabriel Cormac Silas OâSullivan, owner, bartender and general patsy of a brother, felt a familiar sense of inescapable doom.
âI think thereâs a problem with the ladiesâroom,â the woman began. âFor the last ten minutes the doorâs been locked, and thereâsâ¦moaning coming from inside. Sometimes female, sometimes male. I think thereâs something lewd going on in there.â
Tessa Hart, an employee whom Gabe had previously considered loyal, turned to him, trying not to laugh. âHeâs your brother.â
Ah, yes, his brother. More like the worm in his tequila, the backwash in his beer, the sediment in his wine. And that was being kind. âI donât want to claim him. Not really.â There were three OâSullivan brothers, but Gabe and Daniel were normal. Sean, not so much.
Tessa pointed an accusing finger at him. âYou own this place. Do your job.â
Thus he was shamed into performing his duty as owner of Prime, the infamous Manhattan bar that had been in the OâSullivan family for nearly eighty years. Nowadays, the wooden floors creaked when you walked across them, but they glistened from fresh polish. Three dark mahogany bars shaped to form a âUâ around the room, a brass railing running underneath.
Rows of photographs covered the walls. Some famous mugs, some mugs not so famous. Front and center behind the main bar were the pictures of the last four noble generations of OâSullivans. An OâSullivan had poured for sitting Presidents, Mafia dons, Joe DiMaggio and Bob Dylanâand now, apparently, this fine establishment was serving as the No-Tell Motel for one Sean OâSullivan.
Oh, how the mighty had fallen.
Gabe scanned the bar, wondering which nubile young thing Sean had torpedoed this time. Slowly it dawned on him exactly who was missing and he grinned. Okay, maybe Sean wasnât so bad. Unfortunately that didnât put the ladiesâ room back in business.
He took the old, narrow staircase down to the twin doors that marked the ladiesâ room and the menâs room, then rapped once on the former, hard and authoritative.
âOpen up. Itâs the police. According to regulation ten-forty-three of the NY City Code, lascivious conduct is forbidden in public places.â
From beyond the door came Seanâs voice, stuck in the throes of more passion than Gabe wanted to imagine. âThis wasnât a public place until you stuck your yap in it, Officer. And by the way, thereâs no Regulation ten-forty-three. I know the law.â
âAre you insulting one of New Yorkâs finest?â
âNo, Iâm insulting my baby brother. Now go away and spare your brother a good sevenâah, darling, thatâs perfectâmake it fifteen minutes.â
âWe have paying customers who need to use the facilities.â
There was a pointed silence, followed by more lurid groaning.
Gabe leaned against the door, making himself comfortable. âDid you tell her you were a lawyer, Sean? Because I donât know why the women keep falling for that one. I guess itâs hard for a man in the sanitation industry to attract a certain class of woman, although you ended up married easy enough. Could have been the pregnancy, I suppose? Howâs Laura doing, by the way?â
Gabe waited, counted to threeâ¦and finally heard the low murmur of heated voices. Not heated enough, dammit. Who knew a woman with so much power in the health department would be so desperate? Didnât matter, Gabe could stoop even lower. âThe clinic called. The test results were positive, but with proper medication and professional counseling, youâll be able to live a completely normal life.â
Eventually Seanâs voice sounded again, a little less steady this time. âGo away. And have pity on a man whoâs about to go onto his fourth tour of duty and wonât see a woman again for the nextâaahhhânine months.â
How any womanâespecially a NewYork City health inspectorâcould mistake his brother for a soldier was out of the range of rational possibility. Yet for some reason, rationality, Sean and women never went together anyway. Gabe banged on the door.