âI resign,â said Israel.
âAye,â said Ted.
âI do,â said Israel.
âGood,â said Ted.
âIâve made up my mind. Iâm resigning,â said Israel. âToday.â
âRight you are,â said Ted.
âIâve absolutely had enough.â
âUh-huh.â
âOf the whole thing. This place! Theââ
âPeople,â said Ted.
âExactly!â said Israel. âThe people! Exactly! The people, they drive meââ
âCrazy,â said Ted.
âExactly! You took the words right out of my mouth.â
âAye, well, you mightâve mentioned it before,â said Ted.
âWell, this is it. Iâm up toââ
âHigh dough,â said Ted.
âWhat?â said Israel.
âYouâre up to high dough with it.â
âNo,â said Israel. âNo. I donât even know what it means, up to high dough with it. What the hellâs that supposed to mean?â
âItâs an expression.â
âAh, right yes. It would be. Anyway, Iâm up toâ¦here with it.â
âGood.â
âIâm going to hand in my resignation to Linda.â
âExcellent,â said Ted.
âBefore the meeting today.â
âFirst class,â said Ted.
âBefore she has a chance to trick me out of it again.â
âAway you go then.â
âI am so gone already. I am out of here. I tell you, you are not going to see me for dust. Iâm moving on.â
âMmm.â
âIâm going! Look!â
âAch, well, itâs been a pleasure, sure. Weâre all going to miss you.â
âYes,â said Israel.
âGood,â said Ted.
âSo,â said Israel.
âYouâve time for a wee cup of coffee at Zeldaâs first, mind? For auld timeâs sake?â
âNo!â said Israel. âI need to strike while theââ
âAnd a wee scone, but?â
Israel looked at his watch.
âMeetingâs not till three,â said Ted.
âWhat day is it?â said Israel.
âWednesday.â
âWhatâs the scone on Wednesdays?â
âDate and almond,â said Ted, consulting his mental daily special scone-timetable.
Israel huffed. âAll right,â he said. âBut then we need to get there early. I am definitely, definitely resigning.â
Theyâd had this conversation before, around about mid-week, and once a week, for several months now, Israel Armstrong BA (Hons) and Ted Carsonâthe Starsky and Hutch, the Morse and the Lewis, the Thomson and Thompson, the Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, the Dante, the Virgil, the Cagney, the Lacey, the Deleuze and Guattari, the Mork and the Mindy of the mobile library world.
Israel had been living in Tumdrum for long enoughâmore than six months!âto find the routine not just getting to him, but actually having got to him; the selfsame rainy days which slowly and silently became weeks and then months, and which seemed gradually to be slowing, and slowing, and slowing, almost but not quite to a complete and utter stop, so that it felt to Israel as though heâd been stuck in Tumdrum on the mobile library not just for months, but for years, indeed for decades almost. Israel felt trapped; stuck; in complete and utter stasis. He felt incapacitated. He felt like he was in a never-ending episode of 24, or a play by Samuel Beckett.
âThis is like Krappâs Last Tape,â he told Ted, once they were settled in Zeldaâs and Minnie was bringing them coffee.
âIs it?â said Ted.
âAre ye being rude about my coffee?â said Minnie.
âNo,â said Israel. âIâm just talking about a play.â
âOoh!â said Minnie.
âBeckett?â said Israel.
âBeckett?â said Minnie. âHe was a Portora boy, wasnât he?â
âWhat?â said Israel.
âIn Enniskillen there,â said Minnie. âThe school, sure. Thatâs where he went to school, wasnât it?â
âI donât know,â said Israel. âSamuel Beckett?â
âSure he did,â said Minnie. âWhat was that play he did?â
âWaiting for Godot?â said Israel.
âWas it?â said Minnie. âIt wasnât Educating Rita?â
âRiverdance,â said Ted. âMost popular Irish show of all time.â
âThatâs not a play,â said Israel wearily.
âAye, youâre a theatre critic now, are ye?â âOch,â said Minnie. âAnd who was the other fella?â
âWhat?â said Israel.
âThat went to school there, at Portora?â
âNo, youâve got me,â said Israel. âNo idea.â
âAch, sure ye know. The homosexualist.â
âYouâve lost me, Minnie, sorry.â
âWrote the plays. âA handbag!â That one.â
âOscar Wilde?â
âHeâs yer man!â said Minnie. âHe was another Portora boy, wasnât he, Ted?â
Ted was busy emptying the third of his traditional three sachets of sugar into his coffee. âAye.â
âZeldaâs nephew went there,â said Minnie. âThe ones in Fermanagh there.â
âRight,â said Israel. âAnywayâ¦â
âIâll check with her.â
âFine,â said Israel.
âAnd your scones are just coming,â said Minnie.
âThatâs grand,â said Ted, producing a packet of cigarettes.