The Grand Tour Guide to the World
The world is a big place full of interesting things. And The Grand Tour has seen some of them. That’s why few people are better placed to lead you around this vast planet of ours than Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. As long as you don’t mind getting hot and lost. Welcome, everyone, to The Grand Tour Guide to The World.In this indispensable guide, you will find an abundance of information, most of which is probably wrong and possibly dangerous. As well as occasionally accurate guides to the places visited on the show, you’ll find exclusive interviews with the presenters and discover their favourite locations for car-based cocking about.As well as being a factually dubious encyclopaedia, The Grand Tour Guide to the World is also a travel companion for those of you who have been inspired by the Grand Tour circus. You’ll find tips on how to sing like a native in the Bahamas, how to speak Welsh (wrongly), and how to navigate the magic roundabout in Swindon. On top of all this, we reveal the world’s fastest cop cars and the greatest car makers. And there’s a picture of James May in an anorak.
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WARNING
Some of this book is factual but most of it isn’t. Many of the observations are incorrect and the advice idiotic. The Grand Tour accepts no responsibility for anything that happens to you as a result of following tips or imitating actions you read about in these pages. Basically, it’s your fault if you get thrown out of the first-class lounge/an aeroplane/France.
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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2017
FIRST EDITION
© W. Chump & Sons Limited 2017
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2017
Cover photographs Stuart Pettican © Amazon Prime Video. All other images © Shutterstock.com
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Source ISBN: 9780008257859
Ebook Edition © October 2017 ISBN: 9780008257842
Version 2017-09-27
Contents
Motoring Facts from Around the World
Postcard from the Tent – Johannesburg
The Greatest Car-Making Countries on Earth
Postcard from the Tent – Victorville
Postcard from the Tent – Whitby
Postcard from the Tent – Rotterdam
Postcard from the Tent – Stuttgart
Postcard from the Tent – Dubai
Pit Stop 08 – Germany & Austria
Postcard from the Tent – Nashville
Postcard from the Tent – Kakslauttanen
Postcard from the Tent – Loch Ness
People often say, ‘It’s a small world.’ But if you asked them to walk from Berlin to Cape Town they’d probably make a huge fuss and insist on taking an aeroplane. That’s because the world is, in fact, massive. It can also seem a strange and daunting place, but not if you have the right guide. And that’s where we come in. No one is more seasoned at crossing the world than The Grand Tour. No one has been through more airports, stayed in more hotels, spoken to more local people and learned more indigenous words for ‘sorry about this’. That’s why The Grand Tour is uniquely placed to show you around some of the high spots of this huge world of ours and to share with you our wisdom, our skills and our holiday photographs. This book is not just an indispensable guide. In fact, it’s not an indispensable guide at all. A lot of the information in it is wrong and possibly dangerous. We’re not sure. Even so, whenever you’re travelling, be certain to keep this book close to you – and as long as you only look at the pictures you should be fine. Remember, it’s a big world out there, and we’re all somewhere in it. Except astronauts.
CLARKSON, HAMMOND & MAY
Originally, a Grand Tour was a 17th- to 19th-century pursuit in which, say, three chums would find themselves at a loose end for whatever reason and would agree to travel together to foreign lands for the purposes of cultural and spiritual enrichment, and also to find out if the Aston Martin DB11 was any good. Before departing one of the friends might say, ‘Look, this isn’t completely convenient for me. I’m supposed to be making a Christmas special about 1970s toys,’ and the other two would reply, ‘Oh for God’s sake, James. How long does that take? Get a bloody move on,’ and then the two idle friends would wait for a bit, and then for a bit longer while their third friend spent a week packing his clothes very neatly into a leather suitcase, and then they would away on their travels.
‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU’RE OFF TO MAKE A PROGRAMME ABOUT PUTTING THINGS BACK TOGETHER??’
Their destinations might be many and varied, often inspired by a map on the wall of their new office in the Chiswick area of London, which they would look at until they found somewhere that sounded interesting, perhaps having checked what was to be found there using an information source such as The Encyclopaedia Wikipedia. Having established that somewhere was interesting, the chums would set off and before you knew it they would find themselves in Italy, where they would attend displays of local art and sculpture and visit the opera, apart from one of the friends who would perhaps behave like the kind of total moron who thinks
