The Highly Sensitive Person
How to cope when the world overwhelms you.For those people who:have a keen imagination; are labelled too shy or too sensitive; who perform poorly when being observed even though they are usually competent; have vivid dreams; for whom time alone each day is essential;and find they are quickly overwhelmed by noise and confusion, crowded parties, hectic office life………….this is the book to help them understand themselves and how best to cope in various situations.Highly sensitive people are often very bright and creative but many suffer from low self esteem. They are not ‘neurotics’ as they have been labelled for so long. However, high sensitivity can lead them to cease to engage with the outside world.The book offers solutions for a happy and fulfilling life. Particularly in the way an HSP perceives his or herself: the book helps to ‘reframe’ past events, such as a difficult childhood, or how they see themselves – ie. shy.Particularly strong material for those raising a sensitive child
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Thorsons
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
First published in the US by Carol Publishing Group
First published by Thorsons 1999
© Elaine N. Aron, 1999
Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com
A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library
Elaine N. Aron asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780722538968
Ebook Edition © MARCH 2014 ISBN: 9780007384778 Version: 2018-09-03
To Irene Bernardicou Pettit, Ph.D.
– being both poet and peasant, she knew how to plant this seed and tend it until it blossomed.
To Art, who especially loves the
flowers – one more love we share.
I believe in aristocracy, though—if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power … but … of the sensitive, the considerate.… Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure …
E. M. Forster, “What I Believe,”
in Two Cheers for Democracy
Contents
Are You Highly Sensitive? A Self-Test
1 The Facts About Being Highly Sensitive: A (Wrong) Sense of Being Flawed
2 Digging Deeper: Understanding Your Trait for All That It Is
3 General Health and Lifestyle for HSPs: Loving and Learning From Your Infant/Body Self
4 Reframing Your Childhood and Adolescence: Learning to Parent Yourself
5 Social Relationships: The Slide Into “Shy”
6 Thriving at Work: Follow Your Bliss and Let Your Light Shine Through
7 Close Relationships: The Challenge of Sensitive Love
8 Healing the Deeper Wounds: A Different Process for HSPs
9 Medics, Medications, and HSPs: “Shall I Listen to Prozac or Talk Temperament With My Doctor?”
10 Soul and Spirit: Where True Treasure Lies
Tips for Health-Care Professionals Working With Highly Sensitive People
Tips for Teachers Working With Highly Sensitive Students
“Cry baby!”
“Scaredy-cat!”
“Don’t be a spoilsport!”
Echoes from the past? And how about this well-meaning warning: “You’re just too sensitive for your own good.”
If you were like me, you heard a lot of that, and it made you feel there must be something very different about you. I was convinced that I had a fatal flaw that I had to hide and that doomed me to a second-rate life. I thought there was something wrong with me.
In fact, there is something very right with you and me. If you answered true to fourteen or more of the questions on the self-test at the beginning of this book, or if the detailed description in chapter 1 seems to fit you (really the best test), then you are a very special type of human being, a highly sensitive person—which hereafter we’ll call an HSP. And this book is just for you.
Having a sensitive nervous system is normal, a basically neutral trait. You probably inherited it. It occurs in about 15–20 percent of the population. It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted in a nervous-system sort of way. Thus, being sensitive has both advantages and disadvantages.
In our culture, however, possessing this trait is not considered ideal and that fact probably has had a major impact on you. Well-meaning parents and teachers probably tried to help you “overcome” it, as if it were a defect. Other children were not always as nice about it. As an adult, it has probably been harder to find the right career and relationships and generally to feel self-worth and self-confidence.
