âThis is exactly what happened to Liz and Lionel when Kismet went missing in her GAP yearâ¦â
Finnâs grandma stood in front of the Departures gate, and fussed.
âGrandma! Heâs in the building. Heâll be here any minute,â said Finn.
They were waiting for Uncle Al to turn up. He was supposed to be providing cover for Grandma while she took a well-earned break â flying to Oslo for a âknitting cruiseâ around Scandinavia with another hundred or so grey-haired needlecraft enthusiasts.
Al had promised to show up at Grandmaâs the night before.
Then Al had promised to meet them at the airport, first thing.
Then Al had promised â just now, by phone â to meet them at the Departures gate.
But Al⦠well, Al was Al, and nothing was certain, and Grandmaâs way of coping with the distress her son caused her, from babe in arms to now, thirty-two years later, was to fill the world with a breathless stream of anxious chatter.
ââ¦Kismet their eldest with the tattoos they had to fly out to Kinshasa cost them five thousand pounds silly thing had lost her phone it was the not knowing if she was dead or alive you canât imagine what that does to a parent â where is he? â I looked after their cat same bladder problems as Tigerâ¦â
âLast call for passenger Violet Allenby, Oslo flight 103, proceed immediately to gate 15,â announced the voice over the loudspeaker.
ââ¦John very helpfully ran me into Woking young vet from New Zealand lovely girl wet food and herbal treatmentâ¦â
âGrandma! Please!â
âI can always catch the next oneâ¦â
âNoooo, Grandma!â Finn gyrated in frustration.
âInfinity!â she snapped. âI am not moving an inch.â
(Infinity. All Finn knew about his father â all he needed to know â was in his name. Who would name a child after a mathematical concept? âExactly the sort of man youâd imagine,â Finnâs mother would say wistfully, claiming it had been all she could do to prevent him being named E=mc>2.)
âAl is here! Iâll be fine!â
âHe is not! One thing you can rely on is that you can never rely on Al. He says heâs âin the buildingâ, but that could mean anything. It could mean an imaginary building; it could mean a building on another continent, on another planetâ¦â
âGrandma, get on the plane!â
âI have a duty of care. You are a childâ¦â
âIâm almost a teenager.â
ââ¦and if you really think, if he thinks, Iâm going to abandon you to your fate in an airport full of germs, runaway trolleys and international terroristsâ¦â
And then, thank goodness, from around the corner, looking like heâd just rolled out of bed, walked Al.
Six foot two and thin as a whip, part muscle, part bone, part wire, suede jacket and ancient cords worn to the point of oblivion, dark hair, darker eyes, designer glasses held together by tape, arm raised in surprised greeting as if heâd just wandered in and spotted them by chance.
âAlan! Where on earth have you been?â
âAhâ¦? I was in the middle of something.â He thought this would do. âWhy are you still here?â
Yap!
On a lead by Alâs side bounced a delighted, knee-high mongrel (a kind of spaniel/hyperactive kangaroo cross, Finn always thought).
âWhat are you doing with Yo-yo? You canât bring dogs in here!â
âI saw him tied him up outside. He was crying.â
Officials across the concourse were already beginning to take notice.
âMarvellous! Now weâll all be arrestedâ¦â said Grandma.
âWeâve got to get her out of here,â said Finn to Al.
With that, Al scooped Grandma up like she was a toddler, gave her a kiss on the cheek and put her down again, pointing in the right direction.