The Wrong Kind of Shirts 1999
Even Big Ron, man of a thousand, quips was hard pressed to do justice to the glories of the season: beaten 8-1 by Manchester United he nobly offered ‘I was expecting a nine-goal thriller’, proving that even with the firing squad loading up, there is room for wit at the sharp end of soccer’s dreams.And as Forest, absent Van Hooijdonk and sacked Dave Bassett and all, doomed themselves to a quick return to the Endsleigh League, Ferguson, Wenger and Vialli created new routines for the old mind games to psych each other up. Glenn Hoddle completed his final massacre of English syntax as the England manager, surpassed in his waywardness only by Eileen Drewery’s helpful offerings. Graeme Le Saux and Robbie Fowler had an erudite discussion about what substances the male body can healthily ingest and by what orifices, David Davies became ever so circumspect in his attempt to climb the FA pole and almost everyone enjoyed Kevin Keegan’s return to the big time at Fulham. As England manager for four games only, supposedly, his appointment was as celebtrated as Mark Lawrenson’s at Newcastle: nice idea, probably won’t work, but should produce plenty of good copy. Which is what is collected here in another selection of the highlights and lowlights of the football year in its most quotable form.
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THE WRONG KIND OF SHIRTS â99
compiled by MARK REYNOLDS
Fourth Estate
An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain in 1999
Copyright © Mark Reynolds 1999
The right of Mark Reynolds to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
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Source ISBN: 9781841151908
Ebook Edition © FEBRUARY 2016 ISBN: 9780007476602 Version: 2016-01-12
âA compilation of some of the funniest and weirdest quotes ever uttered by managers and players. Perfect to dip into if Hansen and Brooking start droning on during Match of the Day: youâll be able to annoy your pals with a succession of interesting quotes from the âcharactersâ in the game. Itâs small enough to fit in your back pocket and is set out in a way that will tickle your funny bone.â
90 Minutes
âA collectorâs item.â
Observer
âReynolds, with all the sophistication of a Wimbledon long ball, has simply hoovered up every footie quote from last year and stuckâem together under various headings. The result, not unlike Wimbledon, is predictable, but annoyingly successful ⦠Gormless fun.â
Maxim
âMany people spend the week between Christmas and the New Year in an alcoholic haze, so any reading should be attempted with caution. This is the book to ease you into it gently.â
Express
âThis is a coherent, well-compiled selection that analyses and captures the character of the modern game via the idiosyncrasies of its language. And takes the piss ⦠Top stuff.â
Four Four Two
âWonderfully funny football quotes and gaffes. This is a perfect Christmas stocking filler.â
Sunday Mirror
âThis is a great collection of football quotes from managers, players and fans. From the hilariously funny to the jaw-droppingly stupid, The Wrong Kind of Shirts is a handy little book which is great to dip into.â
Shoot
âThereâs never a shortage of football folk ready to talk complete rubbish, and most find their way into this collection. A good value stocking filler.â
Football365
âEven the most dedicated football fan will (find it hard to raise a smile ⦠It is a book with no redeeming qualities whatsoever and under no circumstances should anyone even) Consider buying it.â
Lochaber News
For B.S., book reviewer for the
Highland News Group. Sorry there are no Steve Patterson>* gags this year!
>*Note to subs: pls chk spelling â M.R.
Any review of a football season is necessarily subjective, and as a London-based Aston Villa supporter I may well have missed out on some top action while I was traversing the country watching my team self-destruct after leading the Premiership for four months. I therefore apologise if any of your own favourite rants, gaffes or altercations havenât made it into print in this latest collection â but at least you too have your memories.
A final reading of these pages before passing them on for publication made me realise there are at least two glaring omissions on my part: Charltonâs heroic failure to stay in the Premiership for more than a season, and Birmingham Cityâs defeat in the play-off semi-finals, both somehow eluded my ironic gaze. Charlton fans should rest easy in the knowledge that they have a manager and squad that are above such low rebuke. As for the other lot, I shall watch the current season unravel wishing with all my heart that it were they, and not Watford, suffering ten months of unending hardship in the top flight.
Before you read on (though you can skip this bit if you prefer), Iâd like to thank the following for their continuing support: Clive, Stephen and the sales team at Fourth Estate; my Mum and Dad for forcing my previous books on their unsuspecting neighbours in the Midlands (sorry about the rude cover this year); Ian for another run of ace cartoons at short notice; and Farhana, Jack, Archie and my toy monkey Thelonius, for making the bits between the football more pleasurable.
