Two Bottles of Relish: The Little Tales of Smethers and Other Stories
Lord Dunsany mixes reality with fantasy in this forgotten collection of modern detective stories. Some are macabre, others have a lighter and more amusing touch, but every story stimulates the imagination and reveals the acknowledged master of the short story at his very best.SMETHERS is a travelling salesman for Numnumo, who make a relish for meats and savouries. He shares a flat with an Oxford graduate called Linley, who fancies himself as a detective and to whom Scotland Yard is inclined to turn if they encounter a particularly challenging mystery. When a pretty young girl disappears and her lodger is suspected of murdering her, two bottles of Numnumo relish are the only clues, and Smethers is sent to gather more information . . .Amongst the hundreds of fantasy stories for which the Irish dramatist, poet and writer Lord Dunsany became deservedly famous there was one solitary little book of detective stories. Selected by Ellery Queen as an ‘unequivocal keystone’ in the history of crime writing, this quirky collection is a mixture of the masterful and the macabre, a book that lovers of detective stories and tales of the unexpected will want to savour.
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Published by COLLINS CRIME CLUB
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First published in Great Britain as The Little Tales of Smethers by Jarrolds 1952
Copyright © The Trustees of the Dunsany Wills Trust 1952
Lord Dunsany asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Introduction by Ellery Queen from Queen’s Quorum: A History of the Detective-Crime Short Story as Revealed by the 125 Most Important Books Published in this Field since 1845 published by Biblo and Tannen, New York, 1948
Cover design and illustration by Mike Topping © HarperCollinsPublishers 2016
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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Source ISBN: 9780008159368
Ebook Edition © November 2016 ISBN: 9780008159375
Version: 2016-08-23
ONE of the most unforgettable short stories of detection-and-horror ever written—Lord Dunsany’s ‘The Two Bottles of Relish’, about detective Linley—first appeared in book form in an anthology titled Powers of Darkness (London: Philip Allan, 1934). The story, an unqualified tour de force, has an interesting and revealing history. Lord Dunsany was amused to notice that people were reading gruesome stories of murder in preference to his own more delicate tales. He wondered if he could write a story ‘gruesome enough for them’. So, with ’tec tongue in cheek but writing with grim seriousness, Lord Dunsany fashioned ‘The Two Bottles of Relish’.
The story proved ‘gruesome enough’—indeed, it far exceeded Lord Dunsany’s original intent. Editors were fascinated by the tale, but they frankly confessed that it made them ill. As a matter of fact, no male editor in England or America would publish the story. Finally, a woman dared—Lady Rhondda, who printed it in Time and Tide, November 12-19, 1932. Lord Dunsany has always thought that Lady Rhondda, a militant feminist, published the story as an example of sheer realism, saying to herself, ‘That is just how men do treat women.’ Gradually the widespread nausea (to use Lord Dunsany’s own phrase) seems to have worn off …
Lord Dunsany informs us that there are seven other tales about detective Linley, and that he hopes to include all eight in his 1951 volume of short stories. Needless to say, this book, when published, will be selected for Queen’s Quorum, for if Lord Dunsany had written only the very first tale of detective Linley, without the seven ‘sequels’, this single achievement would have earned Mr Linley’s creator a permanent seat at King Edgar’s Round Table.
ELLERY QUEEN
1948
SMETHERS is my name. I’m what you might call a small man, and in a small way of business. I travel for Numnumo, a relish for meats and savouries; the world-famous relish I ought to say. It’s really quite good, no deleterious acids in it, and does not affect the heart; so it is quite easy to push. I wouldn’t have got the job if it weren’t. But I hope some day to get something that’s harder to push, as of course the harder they are to push, the better the pay. At present I can just make my way, with nothing at all over; but then I live in a very expensive flat. It happened like this, and that brings me to my story. And it isn’t the story you’d expect from a small man like me, yet there’s nobody else to tell it. Those that know anything of it besides me, are all for hushing it up. Well, I was looking for a room to live in in London when first I got my job; it had to be in London, to be central; and I went to a block of buildings, very gloomy they looked, and saw the man that ran them and asked him for what I wanted; flats they called them; just a bedroom and a sort of a cupboard. Well, he was showing a man round at the time who was a gent, in fact more than that, so he didn’t take much notice of me, the man that ran all those flats didn’t, I mean. So I just ran behind for a bit, seeing all sorts of rooms, and waiting till I could be shown my class of thing. We came to a very nice flat, a sitting-room, bedroom and bathroom, and a sort of little place that they called a hall. And that’s how I came to know Linley. He was the bloke that was being shown round.
