Being a mom is a real art. For every parent, the birth of children becomes a transformational period, a period of difficulties and stress, in which the most terrible thing is to lose yourself.
I know from personal experience that being a mom is a hard and exhausting work. It requires unconditional devotion, dedication and love. Mom is an eternal lack of sleep, apathy and great responsibility. Mom is a job without days off, vacations and holidays. Like a multidisciplinary specialist, mom combines the roles of a nanny, educator, teacher, psychologist, doctor, cook, seamstress and cleaner. What is she trying to do? The most valuable reward for a mother is a happy and healthy child.
In this book, I would like to tell a personal story of transformation. The main role is played by a mother who excelled in the art of self—discovery and managed to remember herself, her desires and aspirations. This story proves that change is possible, even if it seems improbable.
I invite you to take a journey through the pages of books filled with inspiration. Remember that a child’s happiness depends on the moral and physical condition of his mother. I wish you, like the heroine of this story, to find inner harmony. The short recommendations recorded at the end of each chapter will help you with this. Have a nice trip!
With love and gratitude,
Elena Tiranova.
Pregnancy is a 9-month journey that is accompanied by anticipation. I clearly remember 9 months of waiting, which was justified by the birth of my beautiful daughter. From that moment on, everything changed in my life.
When your child is born, you don’t know yet that now the heart will always beat for two. You still don’t know that motherhood is a huge job, the payment for which comes with love, smiles, laughter and hugs.
Then everything happened in a fog. Endless insomnia, fatigue and overwork. The screams and crying that filled the room gave rise to dark thoughts in my head that I was a bad mother. There was less and less time for myself.
The child loves his mother unconditionally, but with a note – he needs her in order to survive. At the same time, unconditional love must be reciprocated from the mother. A cold and indifferent mother does not mean loving. Without sincere love and care, a child can grow up traumatized.
I clearly remember the moment when my daughter was placed on my stomach. She was so hot and looked at me with two big almond-shaped eyes. At that very moment, a bright spike occurred in my brain, provoked by a large dose of oxytocin1.
Then everything happened in a blur. Endless insomnia, fatigue and overwork. The screams and cries that filled the room gave rise to dark thoughts in my head that I was a bad mother. There was less and less time for myself.
Every morning, if possible, I drank tea with cookies and milk in order to have a rush of milk. I often stayed on this tea all day, and somehow managed to feed my daughter. It felt like a cage had formed around me, and my little daughter had put me in it. I didn’t belong to myself at all, and every hour of every day I waited for my husband to come and take the baby to himself, and I could take time for myself – to wash, eat, take a break.
My shoulders have been restless for a long time from endless worries about my family. Day after day, they were erased under the weight of many cases. After almost a year of my life, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that it couldn’t go on like this anymore, and that something had to be done. I was unbearably exhausted.
Rationally, I realized that the mother I see in the mirror cannot be a full-fledged «mother», a woman and a wife. Suddenly, I was motivated to change this situation. I believed that I could pull myself together and try to build a balance between my personal and family life. In fact, this motivation was supported primarily by a sincere desire to avoid family breakdown.
A crisis in the relationship with husband in the postpartum period is quite common. If you don’t work it out in time, then personal communication based on love and trust can begin to collapse. This leads to the fact that the only reason for a conversation between the spouses is their child.
I made the decision to change our relationship with my husband and stop dragging everything on myself. I realized, that silence and the expectation that he himself would understand and take responsibility, would not change anything. In fact, it will only make things worse for both of us. I had a lot of thoughts running through my head.
In my mind’s eye, it looked like a heavy truck full of responsibility, which I loyally dragged behind me. My illusions that my husband and family would appreciate me and my actions turned out to be useless. I tried to reassure myself that I was doing my best for our family, but that didn’t make up for all the resentments and disappointments.
