But Inside I'm Screaming
From the New York Times bestselling author of Me & Emmacomes one woman’s unforgettable story about what it is to lose controlas the world watches, and to figure out what went so very wrong.While breaking the hottest news story of the year, broadcast journalist Isabel Murphy falls apart on live television in front of an audience of millions. She lands at Three Breezes, a four-star psychiatric hospital nicknamed the “nut hut,” where she begins the painful process of recovering the life everyone thought she had.But accepting her place among her fellow patients proves difficult, and Isabel struggles to reconcile the fact that she is, indeed, one of them. As she faces the reality that in order to mend her painfully fractured life she must rely solely on herself, she must also accept an imperfect life in a world that demands perfection.
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From the New York Times bestselling author of Me & Emma comes one woman’s unforgettable story about what it is to lose control as the world watches, and to figure out what went so very wrong.
While breaking the hottest news story of the year, broadcast journalist Isabel Murphy falls apart on live television in front of an audience of millions. She lands at Three Breezes, a four-star psychiatric hospital nicknamed the “nut hut,” where she begins the painful process of recovering the life everyone thought she had.
But accepting her place among her fellow patients proves difficult, and Isabel struggles to reconcile the fact that she is, indeed, one of them. As she faces the reality that in order to mend her painfully fractured life she must rely solely on herself, she must also accept an imperfect life in a world that demands perfection.
Selected Praise for
“An absorbing novel…this former reporter writes a story that’s hard to put down.”
—Oakland Tribune
“An insightful, touching and, yes, even funny account of what it’s like to lose control as the world watches.”
—New York Times bestselling author Mary Jane Clark
“From the first page, Elizabeth Flock takes you inside the mind and heart of a young woman of promise, about to be destroyed by her own past. A riveting, fast-paced tale by a first-time novelist with a gift for breathing life into her characters.”
—Judy Woodruff, Anchor, CNN’s Inside Politics
“[A] gripping story.”
—OK! magazine
“Riveting, raw, painfully honest…Elizabeth Flock’s well-written, insightful, deeply emotional debut novel is a stunning portrayal…an intense look at mental illness from the inside.”
—Romance Reviews Today
“An insightful character study…[a] bleak, yet at times amusing, well-written story…readers will agree that Elizabeth Flock provides a powerhouse.”
—Midwest Book Review
It is almost impossible for me to properly convey my gratitude to the following people for their tremendous support—both professional and personal—throughout the years it took to complete this novel:
Laura Dail, Mary Jane Clark, Stuart Horwitz, Susan Swinwood, Amy Moore-Benson, Jodie Chase, Jill Brack, Tres Mills, Liz Flock…I could not have done it without all of you.
And to my parents, whom I love deeply—thank you.
Contents
“Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe
upon these slain, that they may live… and the breath came into them and they lived… and they stood up upon their feet…”
—Ezekiel 37:9-10
One
Isabel picked at the ragged threads that once hugged a shiny button on the front of her blazer. Hunched over her keyboard and sallow-skinned from too much fluorescent lighting, she had won computer solitaire three times before she bored of it entirely and listlessly reached for the mouse to click over to the wires to see what was not happening on this slow Labor Day weekend.
Staring at her flickering screen, either at words floating in front of her or at playing cards triumphantly dancing off a full deck, was a relief from the noise in her brain: angry shouts shifting into one another like a Rubick’s Cube. “You disgust me,” her husband called out as her father’s voice interrupted with “You have no family” and “Why do you even bother?” Alex again: “You’re nothing, you don’t even register.”
She shook her head to put the invisible squares back into place.
“Hey, Jack, check out AP wires. Princess Diana’s been in a car accident,” she called out across the newsroom to the assignment editor, her ring finger finding its way to her front teeth.
“Yeah, her Mercedes probably got a scratch and they’re calling it a wreck,” the overnight editor answered.
Isabel was filling in for the weekend anchor who wanted the holiday weekend off to spend with his family in the Hamptons.
“You think you can actually get away from this?” an unidentified voice snarled in Isabel’s head.
