Gentlemen Prefer Blondes / Джентльмены предпочитают блондинок

© Шитова Л. Ф., адаптация, сокращение, словарь, 2023

© ООО «ИД «Антология», 2023

March 16th:

A gentleman friend and I were dining at the Ritz[1] last evening and he said that if I took a pencil and a paper and put down all of my thoughts it would make a book. But I think it would really make an encyclopedia. I mean I seem to be thinking practically all of the time. Sometimes I sit for hours and do not do anything else but think. So this gentleman said a girl with brains should do something else with them besides think. And he said he knew brains when he saw them[2], and this morning he sent me a book. So when my maid brought it to me, I said to her, “Well, Lulu, here is another book and we have not read half the ones we have got yet.” But when I opened it and saw that it was all a blank I remembered what my gentleman friend said, and so then I understood that it was a diary. So here I am writing a book instead of reading one.

But now it is the 16th of March and of course it is too late to begin with January, but it does not matter as my gentleman friend, Mr. Eisman, was in town practically all of January and February, and when he is in town one day seems to be practically the same as the next day.

I mean Mr. Eisman is in the wholesale button profession and he is the gentleman who is known practically all over Chicago as Gus Eisman the Button King. And he is the gentleman who is interested in educating me, so of course he is always coming down to New York to see how my brains have improved since the last time. But when Mr. Eisman is in New York we always seem to do the same thing. I mean we always have dinner at the Colony[3] and see a show and go to the Trocadero[4] and then Mr. Eisman shows me to my apartment. So of course when a gentleman is interested in educating a girl, he likes to stay and talk about the day until quite late, so I am quite tired the next day and I do not really get up until it is time to dress for dinner at the Colony.

It would be strange if I turned out to be a writer. I mean at my home near Little Rock, Arkansas[5], my family all wanted me to do something about my music. Because all of my friends said I had talent and they all kept after me about practicing. But I never seemed to care so much about practicing. I mean I simply could not sit for hours practicing just for the sake of a career. So one day I got quite temperamental and threw the old mandolin across the room and I have really never touched it since. But writing is different because you do not have to learn or practice. So now I really almost have to smile because I have just noticed that I have written two pages, so this will do[6] for today and tomorrow. And it just shows how temperamental I am when I get started.

March 19th:

Well, last evening Dorothy called up and said she has met a gentleman who introduced himself to her in the lobby of the Ritz. So then they went to luncheon and tea and dinner and then they went to a show and then they went to the Trocadero. So Dorothy said his name was Lord Cooksleigh but what she really calls him is Coocoo. So Dorothy said why don’t you and I and Coocoo go to the Follies[7] tonight and bring Gus along if he is in town? So then Dorothy and I had quite a little quarrel because every time she mentions Mr. Eisman she calls him by his first name, and she does not seem to understand that when a gentleman who is as important as Mr. Eisman, spends quite a lot of money educating a girl, it really does not show respect to call him by his first name. I mean I never even think of calling Mr. Eisman by his first name, but if I want to call him anything at all, I call him “Daddy” and I do not even call him “Daddy” if a place seems to be public. So I told Dorothy that Mr. Eisman would not be in town until day after tomorrow. So then Dorothy and Coocoo came up and we went to the Follies.

So this morning Coocoo called up and he wanted me to luncheon at the Ritz. I mean these foreigners really are bold. Just because Coocoo is an Englishman and a Lord he thinks a girl can waste hours on him just for a luncheon at the Ritz, when all he does is talk about some expedition to a place called Tibet. So I will be quite glad to see Mr. Eisman when he comes because he always has something quite interesting to talk about, as for instance the last time he was here he presented me with quite a beautiful emerald bracelet. So next week is my birthday and he always has some delightful surprise on holidays.

So the reason I thought I would take luncheon at the Ritz was because Mr. Chaplin is at the Ritz and I always like to renew old acquaintances, because I met Mr. Chaplin once when we were both working on the same lot in Hollywood and I am sure he would remember me. Gentlemen always seem to remember blondes. I mean the only career I would like to be besides a writer is a cinema star and I was doing quite well in the cinema when Mr. Eisman made me give it all up. Because of course when a gentleman takes such a friendly interest in educating a girl as Mr. Eisman does, you like to show that you appreciate it, and he is against a girl being in the cinema.