Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2019
FIRST EDITION
Text © Vertical Networks, 2019
Cover design by Philip Pascuzzo
Cover illustrations © Vertical Networks
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Source ISBN: 9780008286583
Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008286590
Version 2019-04-25
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Life
The Truth About Life
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Life Needs
100 Universal Truths About Your Life
It’s Basically All Bullshit
Life Timelines
Everything Movies Lie to You About
The Conflict Conundrum
A Brief Note on Hubris
100 Classy Moves You Should Master
An Alphabetical List of Terrible People You Should Avoid at All Cost
How Long Will These People Actually Be in Your Life?
A True Friendship Test
Annoying (Yet Inevitable) Things All Friends Do as You Get Older
Is It Possible to Be “Just Friends” with a Woman?
How to Make Friends After the Apocalypse
You Are Insignificant
Perspective
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Sex
The Truth About Sex
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Sex Needs
Are You Ready to Have Sex?
The Do’s and Don’ts of Sex
5 Simple Ways to Not Suck at Sex
5 Simple Ways to Not Suck at Gay Sex
69 Lies You’ll Hear About Sex
Don’t Listen to These People
The Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex
Navigating the Morning After
Reasons You’re Not Having Sex
A Series of Sexy Venn Diagrams
Sex in Movies vs. Sex IRL
Sex After the Apocalypse
An Unsexy Discussion About Pornography
Are You Masturbating Too Much?
How Much Sex Is Too Much?
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Work
The Truth About Work
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Work Needs
Appropriate Responses to Lies Your Dad Will Tell You About Work
What You Should Know Before Taking Any Job
The 30 Types of People You Will Work With
A Beginner’s Guide to Workplace Communication
Work, in Actuality
The Coworker Code
5 Ways to Get the Job You Deserve
Are You Workplace Appropriate?
How to Ask Your Boss for a Raise, According to the Actual Boss of BROTHER
Should You Launch a Start-Up?
Post-Apocalyptic Career Aptitude Guide
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Money
The Truth About Money
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Money Needs
How to Live Like a Millionaire (Without Actually Being One)
How to Live on a Budget (Without Living Like a Crazy Person)
How to Make More Money (Without Working All That Hard)
Get the Biggest Bang for Your Buck!
How to Get Rich
Do You Have Enough Money?
Six Truths About Money, According to Someone Who Has a Lot of It
Can Money Buy You This?
Make Your Own Money!
What to Do with Your Money After the Apocalypse
Mo Money
How to Take It with You
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Women
The Truth About Women
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Women Needs
The Gentleman’s Guide to Lady Parts
How to Date a Woman (According to an Actual Woman)
Overrated/Underrated Dates
The Truth About Dick Pics
Is It Time to Move On? Probably.
How to Give Compliments (Without Being a Total Creep)
Ways to Meet Women After the Apocalypse
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Fun
The Truth About Fun
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Fun Needs
General Rules for Having Fun
When Does the Fun Start?
Things That Seem Fun Until You Actually Do Them
Worth the Wait?
Is This Funny?
Is This Art?
Is Reading Fun?
Overrated/Underrated Rap
Overrated/Underrated Rock
Overrated/Underrated Pop
Scenarios in Which Removing Your Shirt Is Appropriate
Scenarios in Which Removing Your Shirt Is Inappropriate
Should You Get a Tattoo?
The Five Universal Truths About Gambling
25 Unexpected Ways to Have Fun After the Apocalypse
A Handy Glossary of Terms
Health
The Truth About Health
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Health Needs
How Not to Be a Dick at the Gym
The 30 Types of People You Will Meet at the Gym
Gym Stats
Scenarios in Which Running Is Appropriate
Scenarios in Which Running Is Inappropriate