The Parent Agency
A brilliantly funny, gripping novel - andThe bestselling hardback children’s debut of 2014 - from a born storyteller, The Parent Agency is an epic wish-fulfilment adventure for every child – and for the child in everyone.Barry said, a third time, “I wish I had better parents!” And then suddenly the entire room started to shake…Barry Bennett hates being called Barry. In fact it’s number 2 on the list of things he blames his parents for, along with 1) ‘being boring’ and 3) ‘always being tired’.But there is a world, not far from this one, where parents don’t have children. That’s far too random for something so big and important. In this world, children are allowed to choose their parents.For Barry Bennett, this world seems like a dream come true. Only things turn out to be not quite that simple…Illustrated by Roald Dahl Funny Prize winner, Jim Field.
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First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2014
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
Text copyright © David Baddiel 2014
Illustrations copyright © Jim Field 2014
Jacket illustration © Jim Field
Jacket Design © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2014
David Baddiel and Jim Field assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007554492
Ebook Edition © 2014 ISBN: 9780007554515
Version: 2018-09-18
To Ezra and Dolly, with particular thanks to Ez for giving me the idea in the first place…
Contents
Copyright
Part One: The World is not Enough
Sunday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Part Two: This World Seems to Be Enough
Monday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Tuesday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Wednesday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Thursday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Friday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Friday Night
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Part Three: No, Wait a Minute: The World – The First One – Y’Know, This One – Might Be Kind of Enough After All
Saturday
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Really Late, Saturday Night: Way Past Barry’s Normal Bedtime
Acknowledgements
Books by David Baddiel
About the Publisher
Barry Bennett was always very upset at being called Barry. It was a stupid name for a modern nine (nearly ten) year old boy. All his friends were called things like Jake and Lukas and Taj.
In fact, they weren’t called things like that, they were called exactly that. Jake was his best friend, Lukas was his second best and Taj was his third. Although sometimes that order was reversed and Taj was first. But, either way, none of them were called anything like Barry. Barry didn’t even know anyone called anything like Barry. He didn’t know, for example, anyone called Brian. Or Colin. Or Derek. Or any other name that no boy had been called since 1953.
Being called Barry was just one – although it was pretty near the top of the list – of the many things Barry blamed his parents (Susan and Geoff: go figure…) for.
Here, in fact, is that list, which Barry kept hidden under the pillow on his bed (a bed that didn’t, by the way, have the fantastic Lionel Messi duvet on it that Lukas had):
THINGS I BLAME MY PARENTS FOR
1 Being boring.
2 Calling me Barry. (You see – told you it was near the top of the list.)
3 Being tired all the time.
4 Not letting me play video games.
5 Not buying me any video games. Or a Lionel Messi duvet.
6 Being REALLY, REALLY, REALLY strict. Examples: making me go to bed at 8.30 when all my friends stay up MUCH later; not letting me eat any sour Haribos in case they give me a tummy ache; and saying, “That’s a swear,” when all I’ve done is say BUM, which isn’t even a proper swear.
7 Being always much nicer to my twin sisters TSE than to me, just because they’re a pair of goody two-shoes.
8 Not being glamorous or famous or all the things that the grown-ups in Mum’s magazines are. (Barry realised after he’d written this that it was a bit similar to Number 1, but he’d already started the list when he got to this point, and had written in pen, not pencil, so didn’t want to cross it out and start again.)
9 Being poor. (Barry felt a bit bad about writing this one as he did sort of know it wasn’t his parents’ fault. His dad worked in IKEA, checking the flat-packed stuff into the warehouses or something, and his mum was a primary school assistant. So he knew that meant they didn’t earn very much. But he did think that if only they had more money then a fair amount of issues 1 to 8 – although not being called Barry – would probably not apply.)
